I will be on TV tonight last Wednesday night at 7pm (Channel 8 ) giving out Christmas gifts as Wheels off Santa. Tivo it or, better yet, come on down to Victory Park and be on camera with me.

First a lesbian mommy for Family Ties, now this.

Despite the water lever, still looks a little swollen

Good discussion, guys, concerning Privacy/Sex/Tiger/Pants. I always enjoy plowing through an issue with you, and there were many good points that you gave me to consider. In fact, as I was banging a cute little hostess the other night, I began to think, you know, I hope she not one of those immoral girls who would talk.

Coverage of my drunken love life at twitter.com/gordonkeith.

Norm’s controversial Voicemails

Stuff White Christians like

Official: I’m worn out on Tiger talk. Done. For now. I’m sure I will get sucked back into the vortex in fifteen minutes, but defending billionaires never goes over well, and I don’t know why I try. Bottom line is, we simply like our celebrities under our thumbs, and we have no desire to willingly give up our one small advantage over them- personal privacy.

So TMZ will find the next bit of Tiger dirt to embarrass Elin with, and I will cover it in Muse in the News, and we will continue on that carousel of sorriness that we all enjoy riding. You might justify yourself with “but he did this to himself” and I will justify my coverage by saying “it is a widely reported news story and I feel bad for making these jokes even though I am making them,” and we will all stay on the ride one more time. And so it goes. F it.

Look, I don’t billed myself as a paragon of virtue. In fact, my on air character is just the opposite. So perhaps more celebs should do it this way- be the public bad boy, and as a result, any actual good news will be a pleasant surprise, and any bad news is “meh, he was a rapscallion anyway.” No one gets let down. Right?

Now, let’s talk about this hostage photo. Dirk has my Taylor guitar, and I am worried because he has a bad track record with Taylors. Rock me. Oh God, I’ve done it again…

UPDATED: I am proofreading and adding things here as I have time. Make sure to read the comments for replies to P1 points. I will post the Channel 8 commentary when it becomes available. Here ’tis. We were the Top Video on Channel 8 for awhile.

Tim Cowlishaw has a great column today. The idea that we are entitled to someone’s private life because we know who they are, or because we consume their product is simply a non sequitur. Why do people get confused about this? I think we WANT to know the details of famous people’s private lives and we are merely scrambling for justification.

“He knew the bargain.”

Most justifications go something like this- “Tiger makes MILLIONS of dollars and is praised by MILLIONS of people and has a hot wife and a life that any one of us would kill for. Tiger knew before he got famous that we might not not respect his privacy. He willingly got famous, therefore we are justified in not respecting his privacy.” WTF? How does that conclusion follow from the premise? Because he knew we might be jerks, it is OK for us to be jerks? I think in reality this is based on good old fashion envy. Look at the first sentence of the justification. It drips with envy. I submit that we are merely (misguidedly) trying to keep some sort of cosmic balance, as in “he was given so much so we need to do our small part in keeping him down, even if we privately know what we are doing is destructive and wrong.”

“He accepts endorsements.”

Some argue that because he accepts endorsement money, his private life becomes fair game. That depends on the product he is endorsing. If he is endorsing “How You can have a Totally Monogamous Marriage while Maintaining a Good Driving Record DVD,” then I am with you- he owes the buyers of that product an explanation about all this. But if he is endorsing golf clubs, or golf balls, or tees, I don’t think he owes us details of how poorly he and his wife are getting along or what women he is banging. We buy those products because he is good at golf and we want our golf game to improve. If he is endorsing something non-golfy, like Buick or Amex, we are buying those because of a contact high of his golf greatness, not because he is a paragon of moral virtue.

“But he is a ROLE MODEL!“

I think we really get confused on this role model business. Is Tiger a role model? Yes. Just about everyone is to someone in some way. The waitress who carries five plates on her arm at Chili’s is a role model. Whenever you want to learn how to carry a shitload of plates, look at her. But just because she is good at the plate thing, doesn’t mean she knows jacksquat on how to raise a child, stay off drugs, or pay her taxes on time. Is she a role model? Yes, but about plate carrying only.

I think when Charles Barkley said “I am not a role model,” he meant “I don’t think you should CHOOSE to use me as a GOOD role model in anything other than CERTAIN aspects of basketball.” Of course, that is not nearly as catchy a soundbite, so he shortened it and we all get to debating because everyone is using the term “role model” in different ways.

I gotta go. Maybe more later, but I know what you are saying- “Gordon, you are just defending another black man married to a Swedish supermodel.”

Comments are on.

Junior Miller has started a new sports blog, and it is great. You should check it out. It is called Things I Don’t Have Time For On The Radio.

“Best sports blog in Dallas”- Dallas Obsurfer

“It is something I can read with my eyes”- Roburt Wilonski

“Finally, something to compete with us”- Dallas Morning Newz

Add any blurbs you “find” in the comments. Thanks, goods.

My take? This is one of the best public apologies ever and very nicely done.

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.

Official position: What goes on in their marriage is none of our business, and just because he cheats, doesn’t mean we’re entitled to explore and exploit his personal life even further. HOWEVER, here are the jokes going around. Healing through unmalicious laughter?

Apparently, the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said, “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”

If the only person that can beat Tiger is a blonde with big breasts, it’s time for Phil Mickelson to bleach his hair.

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball?  Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning?  Clubbing

Why did Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.

What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.

Tiger drives very well on the fairway but doesn’t fare very well on the driveway. Rock me.

Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.

Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems. Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.

It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz. 



Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him? She heard that he played a-round in Australia.

What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT

Given Tiger’s racial heritage can we call this a Black Thai affair?

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.

Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart?  Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.

What do Tiger and the Beatles have in common? They both experienced a hit with Norwegian Wood.

First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger:  Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?

Tiger Wood’s shirt is all red- problem is, there’s no tournament, and his veins are a pint low.

What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.

Creepiest animated Tiger Woods reenactment (at :15 mark and at :55 mark)

Making the sex offender registry more danceable

Dicken’s Christmas Carol: This is cool