The time I tried to bed the most beautiful woman in the world…

People Magazine has named Gwyneth Paltrow “The Most Beautiful Woman in the World” for 2013. We have a history, this Gwyneth and I. There was a time when we got very close to making a baby and naming it “Banana.” Enjoy the video of our foreplay.

A Keith Family Easter

I present this Keith Family Klassic.

The Infamous OJ Simpson Call-in Show

In 2007, for some reason unknown to God Himself, OJ Simpson agreed to appear on an internet talk show hosted by my former co-worker Kate Delaney. And they took calls. On a live show. What could go wrong? Fortunately plenty, because the calls were apparently screened by deaf chimpanzees. America could not pass up this golden opportunity for LULZ. Thank goodness.

It amazes me that the long version of this show is no longer widely available. If anyone has the whole program please email me.

Back When Rob Pattinson And I Were Still Young…

Watch this Emmy-winning classic. After a botched intro, a pre-heartbroken Rob Pattinson sits uncomfortably close to me and tells me his deepest darkest secrets. I could see the pain in Rob’s eyes even then.

My Disastrous Interview With Dax Shepard And Kristen Bell

I encourage everyone to see “Hit and Run” in theaters now, then follow it up with a Netflixing of “Brother’s Justice.” Then stare at pictures of Kristen Bell. She’s pretty to my face eyes. And funny.

Conversations with My Friend Ward Are a Roller Coaster

Let’s Revisit Marcia Cross’s Worst Interview Of All Time

It has entered television lore. Awkward chemistry. Pregnant pauses. Empty-headed responses. And that is before Marcia opens her mouth. This is all about BRENDA TEELE, a woman responsible for many of DFW’s greatest television moments. In this disaster, Poor Marcia is on WFAA to talk about Cancer Killing Everyone She Loves and Brenda Teele remains laser-sighted on empty talk and Hollywood chit chat. Enjoy this touching look back at two people who should never talk to each other again. Unless there’s a camera rolling.

My Confrontation with Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis

Our old buddies Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis were in DFW this week promoting their new film, The Candidate. What do both of these humans have in common? Besides wealth and movies and orgasms. They both were disastrously interviewed by me. Without a doubt the most popular of all my interviews was the Zach Galifianakis interview. It got posted on Reddit and the views skyrocketed. Sadly, Reddit ignored my Will Ferrell interview and it was only seen by Dax Shepherd and close family. Since I was unable to interview them this time, I thought we’d have a little fun anyway.

Let’s look back at these two interviews and enjoy how bad/great television can truly be. First, let’s watch Zach laugh in my face because he thinks I’m an idiot.

Longer and more gentle, here is the Will Ferrell exchange. See if you can spot the movie poster.

Musers On TV

Everyone’s alerting me to the Muser spot running on Channel 8. I would say this is great acting, but there was no acting. It was a totally candid moment. Captured surreptitiously.

Finally. The Uncomfortable Interview With Will Ferrell

Will Ferrell Q&A and Interview Teaser

If you listened to the Musers Morning Show last Wednesday, you know that we were pretty Will Ferrell intensive. The lanky funny man stopped by the studio for an unscheduled visit then spent the rest of the day being annoyed by me. After the radio show, Ferrell and I sat down for an interview for my Channel 8 TV show “Vigilante Justice” then we briefly napped together before going to SMU for a screening of his film Casa De Mi Padre which opens Friday, March 16, 2012 AD. After the screening, we conducted an onstage Q&A that was greeted by taunts and mixed results.

Here is a touching slide show of our visit. Pictures courtesy of Dallas Observer and SMU Daily Campus. I will post the Channel 8 interview soon.

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The Dallas Observer reviewed the post screening Q&A at SMU.

Finally Uploaded: Gordon Keith VS Gwyneth Paltrow

VIDEO: When I was Tied Up By Napoleon Dynamite

Today at 9:15am, the Musers will interview Jon Heder, AKA Napoleon Dynamite. Tune in. To prep for this watch this video. A while back, I interviewed the Ticket’s own Napoleon Dynamite and things took a strange turn. Enjoy.

Just Don’t Worry About This Picture Either

From the Gordon Keith Show. RIP.

My Disastrous Appearance on Entertainment Tonight

this girl was so nice

If you watched Channel 8 on New Years Eve, you saw me destroy what was left of television. From the bouncy see-through top lady during the car giveaway to my interview with the semi-coherent dude in the camo trucker hat, I slayed every last hope of TV’s survival. But those moments didn’t garner near the response of the Entertainment Tonight segment. WFAA flew me to LA (coach, 2 connections) to appear with Samantha Harris on Entertainment Tonight.

I’ve had 13,783 people ask me to post the ET bit. Problem was, I didn’t have the bit to post until yesterday when my WFAA producer sent me the vid. This is the shorter version that actually aired on New Years Eve. There was a longer one with more jokes, including urination, but time constraints got us.

this girl was so nice

The Musers on Television

Yesterday morning, moments before George Dunham told this emotional story, we were surprised by our new neighbor in Victory Park. WFAA, home of Dale Hansen’s personnel file, sent the lovely Amy Vanderoef, host of WFAA’s Good Morning Texas, to our new studio in Victory Park with a basket of gifts. Through the magic of television, yesterday’s visit appeared on today’s “GMT” show. Watch George drool like Jack the Ripper at the sight of Amy. It’s alarming really.

We look forward to much interaction with Amy and the Good Morning Texas crew. Much interaction.

My Interlude With Kate Beckinsale

I don’t know if you noticed or care, but the number one movie at the box office last weekend was Underworld: Awakening. For those of you unfamiliar with the Underworld franchise, think Steel Magnolias meets The Help. I had a small part in the film that was cut from the final product. I guess the director and I didn’t see eye to eye on my character’s “motivation.” He thought of me as an “extra,” but I thought my character should become sexually involved with Kate’s as a comment on Wall Street greed and the finitude of life. Anyway, I broke the cardinal acting rule of “don’t introduce any unscripted diseases” and the director fired me. You be the judge.

Here I am talking with my co-star and good friend, Kate Beckinsale.

UNRATED: Amanda Peet Interview

Amanda loves chairs

In sharp response to her 40th birthday, I recently posted my interview with the beautiful Amanda Peet. The version I found on YouTube (not uploaded by me) was the broadcast version. Scaled down. Shorter. Poor quality. A few days later, I was cleaning off my hard drive and I found the long version of the same interview. I liked it much better. It had the first few moments we met before the interview began and included an allusion to a sickeningly odd threesome with portly actor Oliver Platt. Breastfeeding is also lovingly mentioned.

Of all the women I’ve interviewed in my long failed career, she remains one of my favorites. Speaking of hot women, I will soon post the interview my pants did with Kate Beckinsale, star of the ephemeral hit movie Underworld: Awakening.

Love,
gordon

Programming Note

Tonight (Thursday) at 12:35am on Channel 8 immediately after Kimmel, we have a very tense Gordon Keith show featuring the Ticket’s own George Dunham. George almost makes me cry.

Don’t miss it.

About to finish

Dating a girl from sales

Gordon ruins it for dirty liberals

Robot Grex