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The Delkus Rule: To pass the time between shots, always used stereotypical accents.
This dramatic interpretation of the Yu Darvish signing raises so many questions. Is that supposed to be Nolan Ryan or Walker Railey? Do they really think “bullpen” is literal in baseball? Does Albert Pujols really have laser eyes?
Oh, and the space shuttle? They’re doing it wrong.
When this man performs in the afterlife, will God listen with a forced smile, or flexed abs from trying to hold it in?
PS. If you belong to Fellowship Church, please bug P1 Ed Young to bring in this wonderful praise singer.
On Tuesday, I read this email on the air:
I know how you love wheels-off musical performances, so I thought you might appreciate this. Backstory… (All parties shall remain nameless to protect the innocent)
Back in November of ’07 my band was playing a gig at a local club. Before the show my singer approached the rest of the band and pointed out a girl in the crowd. He said that he had recently heard a recording of her singing a karaoke version of an Evanescence song, and that she sounded really good on it. He further explained that he was hoping to get in her pants, and asked if we’d be willing to let her sing a song with us.
Naturally, we were skeptical, but our singer insisted that she sounded good on the recording he had heard, and since the rest of us were married we decided to hook a brutha up, and let her sing with us in hopes that we could live vicariously through our singer.
So, it was decided that at some point during our second set we would invite her up to sing Alanis Morrissette’s “You OughtaKnow” as it was the only song we really knew that featured a female vocalist. Our singer told her to expect that song, so she came armed with a sheet of lyrics, and said that she had been practicing before the gig.
From the first moment she took the stage we knew we were in for something classic, and her performance did not disappoint. I mixed and recorded all of our gigs, so I was already rolling tape that night.
Sorry, for the long story, but I hope you enjoy it as much as me and my band mates have!
The Audio of Death
After we played it on the air, George speculated that the horny lead singer probably told her it wasn’t that bad. Well, I got an email from the long-lost lead singer shortly thereafter.
Gordo,I am the singer from [band name redacted] – the “You Oughta Know” band, and I must confess… that chick was not *that* hot.And yes, you can tell Giorgio that I did, in fact, try to console her afterward and tell her she did okay. I was angling for at least a beej, but alas, it was not to be. She was far too upset, and I, likeyou, was rendered utterly flaccid by her performance. I thought I could at least fight my way through a good parking lot hummer, but that voice haunts me to this day!Still shuddering,P1 Kevinband name redacted
“Yeah, Robert how is your dead daddy doing? Still all shot up and dead?”- Matt Lauer 2008
Interesting story in today’s Dallas Morning News full of lesbians and lawsuits. Every Morning News story should include these success-producing ingredients to save the printed word. Jennifer Colli, at right, acknowledges her own past lesbian relationship and accuses SMU coaches of being way too interested in lesbian relationships.
Asked in an interview about the relationships, Colli said they were between players and between coaches, not between players and coaches. She said she was personally aware of other relationships among team members, as well as her own.
“Yes, I was with another team player,” she said.
Wow, she was aware of HER OWN lesbian relationship? She must really be plugged in- er, I mean, um.
Also quoted in the lawsuit is Jennifer Colli’s older sister, Juli. Enjoy her goodness too.
Look at me, as I look loving down on them, hoping all our our lesbian dreams come true.
Lesbians, lesbians, lesbians…
NOTE: There is no indication the Juli Colli is a lesbian. She is just hot and relevant and worthy of a picture posting.