Tornado Goes Postal in an Airport

The High Price of Meth

I knew meth could make you really skinny and covered in scabs, but I didn’t know it could make your mouth fall off into creek, or some other location.

Meet non-astronaut Alan John Shepard.

Here it is. That Addictive Chase Commercial Song.

Mystery solved. It’s called “Under Control” by Tim Myers featuring Ben Lee. Click play and be infected with a Grade A Ear Worm. Summerbash cover tune?

Watch A Man Get Hit Where His Hair Used To Be. With Bonus Tasing!

I love the Pirates. And I love people getting tased. So this is a total chocolate in my peanut butter moment. This happened at PNC park. Apparently a fan got a little too unruly and cops were forced to club him in the face. And this was after they fired a taser into his Shrek body and it only made him more powerful. USA!!!

EXCLUSIVE: Cousin Kills Non-Baseball Playing Turkey

Mitch Moreland kills many things- turkeys, deer, opponents’ playoff hopes- so when a P1 sent me a link to an account of Mitch mowing down a nice Tom, I just had to hunker down to watch a fresh batch of hunting porn. Here you go, PETA. I hope you like Chris Knight music. It softens the thing.

Drive Thru Juando Audio

This morning, I told the story of “Drive Thru Juando”- the guy that takes my order every morning at 4 AM. Juando and I have ZERO communication chemistry. We talk over each other. We don’t understand each other. We don’t listen to each other. It’s almost comically frustrating. Our frequent exchanges defy the logic that suggests people who talk often eventually come to understand one another better. With Juando it’s gone the opposite direction.

I recorded an exchange with Juando, transcribed it and recreated it here so you can experience my frustrating life.

Gordon’s Dangerous Podcast Volume 1 Episode 1

Gordon and Lil’ Gordie host an in depth look at the news affecting today’s youth. This podcast has already been cancelled.

Please note: The girl referenced in the podcast was from Omsk, Russia in Asia. Also, don’t expect much.

Local Craigslist Awesomeness

P1 Jansen sent me this Craigslist ad and it’s brilliant. There is so much fresh stoopidity hear, from the wild-azz product being offered to the butchering of our language. Enjoi.

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