Blow hard
The Ticket turned 17 years old on Monday. That’s legal in the state of Texas. I thought I would open up the comments for good P1′s like you to share your favorite moments. Already, through email and twitter, dozens of P1′s shared with me so many funny bits and lines that I’d forgotten about.
My favorite characters? Fake Greggo (RIP) was by far my favorite to do. Wild Assed Double Fake Norm is probably second. In his heyday, Microphone Johnson was hard to beat, especially the Ken Hitchcock interview. Maybe I’ll come back to this post and add more later. When I sober up.
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I have fond memories from my childhood of fake Juan Gonzalez saying “Hold some horses.” Fake Johnny Oates was another I loved. My dad has regald me with countless tales of a fake Chan Gailey that was as Chinesed up as the day is long, I wish that audio would surface.
“Junior Air”
The endless, multi-day buildup, then the defeat in Jr’s voice when he had announce at 9:45 that the plane was a no-show!
D-bags!
My all time favorites are the Johnny oates Managerial Cyborg and Wilt Chamberlain’s Ghost, with his big ol’ chocolate hawg.
Gordo:
This day is always special (the 24th) because it also my bday. I know if I don’t celebrate any other way, I will get some strong sports, maybe some fake Jerry Jones and some good laughs. Throw in an e-brake and a baby arm and I am good to go! Happy Birthday little Ticket- you’re not “little” anymore and it’s a pleasure to know you!
Sincerely and staying hard (still,)
Mark McDaniel
RIBBY
I MISS RIBBY
I WANT RIBBY
desk buddies/
Gordon arrested at Lambeau field. I still chuckle when I picture you screaming about Bart Starr at midfield!
fake Ken Hitchcock was the best, maybe fake greggo callin in sick or fart and fall down rhyner. They all make me laugh.
Wonderful Great Gordo-
Where did the whole thing of adding “gr” to the beginning of filthy stuff come about? Just curious, time to grow down on my lady friend as I gringer her back door. In Christ’s Love- T Dawg
Love ‘em all, but I am a big fan of Mushmouth Thomas…especially since you said you talk him OFF air…Chirs McKinley as well….
Or to him…
What happend to Elf and Rocco’s liver?
Dear Gordon,
I remember a particular Saturday morning when I was “producing” for the Tee Box and the Rant happened to be in studio. Jason Helm was the board op and I talked him into playing the famous Gilmore Girls bit when Marco tells the girls to “turned around real fast” during the intro to cross talk. The look on your face was priceless when you realized what was being played. You knew that a train wreck was going to ensue and none of us was disappointed. Rick’s feigned indignation was totally worth it.
Good times.
Tee Box M.R.
And they were good times!
Anything The Rant related is my favorite from Ticket past. I also love WTDS from 3-3:15. The Ticket Mouse is by far my favorite character, then Jesse the usher, then the forty niner dude that yelled out “a big old bear!” all the time, followed really closely by fake Wade and Jerry, Chris Chris, Steak Man, Dodge Man, Snore Man, and on and on it goes.
Basically, I love bits and not sports talk. I get the scores on my phone instantly. I don’t give a rip if a station is going to re-hash a 3 hour game for the next 24 hours. But if Junior is going to toss a 5lb. weight to a mouse and crush it, I want to be there for the slow breathing, the apparent death, and the undescribable rush of joy every time the tiny-voiced Ticket Mouse returns to us in the land of the living.
And I am ashamed for forgetting the after hours late night Ticket Compound bits. Staying tuned in for HOURS and then all of a sudden, Junior starts up his Coast to Coast ( I really think he believes in aliens touching back bottoms ) and other fun stuff. It’s greatness.
The always controversial Burrito Jimmy made me cry-laff into my human pants.
Nothing on the Ticket has made me cry laugh like Burrito Jimmy either. Especially the “OJ? OJ? OJ?” moment. Speaking of which, there would be no Mushmouth if not for Burrito Jimmy. Gordo, I’m sure it’s hard to get you, Corby and Davey in the studio at the same time these days, but I’m obviously not the only P1 who would be ever so grateful if you guys managed to resurrect that bit again. Perhaps during the upcoming Mavericks playoff run?
Just wanted to say Happy Birthday and thank everyone so much for being such an integral part of my day. I can’t believe it’s been this long since I found the station. I remember “discovering” the Ticket about 15 years ago while I was living south of the Metroplex. How I was able to pick y’all up is still a mystery. I think it may have been fate given how important the day to day ramblings of the on-air crew is to me personally. Keep up the good work and I look forward to many more years of sportsy, immature entertainment from you all.
Sincerest Thanks.
This one sounds snarky, but is real. I’m hoping someone else remembers this.
About 15 years ago Hardline was on remote at the dragstrip down south. At the beginning of the show they were BSing and Greggo got Rhyner to taking about his new sunglasses. Rhyner offered up that they weren’t that expensive and that he had ‘Jewed them down’ on the price. Rhyner immediately started backtracking. My favorite part and honestly one of the early things that showed me the ticket was different and really made me a P1 was how Greggo immediately kicked him in the balls over it and left him out to twist.
Does anyone else remember this? I seem to recall that it even got a rare mention from Barry Horn in the DMN.
My favorite memory is when that jack @ss ran onto Lambeau Field. You should interview him and see if he remembers doing it.
The first Deep Throat Informant bit I can remember was the day Bill Bates retired (so this would have been 1997?). DT reported that Bill had hired freelance dogs to make a pile so that he could jump on top of it. Then, DT reported that Bill put peanut butter on the roofs of the mouths of the dogs and dubbed in voices.
If this audio exists anywhere, please email me. I’d love to hear it again.
DT is a firm favorite. That one nearly made me wreck.
I was on my way to work and was tuned in when Skip Bayless said the first words spoken on The Ticket. No, I don’t remember what they were. It was Skip. Probably something inane.
Microphone Johnson to Tom Landry: “Who’s your favorite Spice Girl?” Greatness.
Well everyone’s already beaten me to the punch in email, so I’m just gonna fart & fall down now. Praise be to Half-Cat!
Oh and, http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d171/btlwgn/punctuators/c82abcdb-3f96-402b-b237-1cf45cef38b0.jpg little Ticket.
I’ve played Fake Greggo Overcusser for everyoneI could and never seen anyone not laugh.
“You want some overcussin!?! I’ll do some some overcussin BRUTHA!!! 3..2..1…”
“Wait. Wait. Wait. Greggo you need an athlete first. “
Favorite moment in Ticket History was Norm’s least favorite. I loved the day the Rant reported that John F. Kennedy Jr’s plane went down over Gay Head looking for Black Box. RIP and Stay Hard JFKjr.
Red Skies at Night Guy
Are you circum-sliced born-born?
The compounds\camp fire have been can’t miss every time. Please tell me we have another one planned for this year.
Burrito Jimmy!!!
It may not be mentioned as often as Fake Jerry or Fake Norm, but I have laughed as hard at Fake Chan Gailey as anything I have ever heard here.
Also love the overcusser. Pray for me.
I want to order the book.
Slappy and Backfat!
Fake Johnnie Oates!!! “Silence Human!”
Ya Know.
omg, I was giggling profusely in the shower the other day as “Oh, intercourse a duck!” from one of the Johnny-O bits surfaced in my brain. I’ve gotta revisit it, I must have it somewhere on a disc or drive.
Gordon one my fondest memories of the Little Ticket was when you made an appearance on the Hardline. You were on the wireless and dressed in a devil costume interviewing the average person. It was so hilarious, I was hooked immediately and became a P1 since then. The line up of the Musers, Chris Arnold and the Hardline will always be my favorite. Stay Hard and Keep Jammin’
Especially doing so at Highland Park Plaza…..
Every 2 minute drill. Ever
Little Fake Greggo & Miss Margaret makes me cry-laugh.
The fake Babe Ruth in heaven when hes talking like a 30′s gangster is probably the funniest thing EVER on the ticket. “Im fading away..”
Put me down for the Tuba at the Compound . . . still giggling.
I miss the following bits/characters:
The Half-assed Novelist
Technology Greggo Won’t Embrace (hard to do nowadays, understandably)
Fun with Old People
I also miss the Norm “I Have Mexican Gas” drop. Bring it back.
Here.
http://www.bobanddan.com/contact/june7/norm-mexgas.mp3
Mushmouth
Half-cat
Fake Greggo
Musers Brown Round Table – since I was on it…
Seattle Slew, “I’M BOB ORTAGEL!!!!”, Grenis, Gragina, Grondoms and Grex talk, Gas Cap Louie, Ticket Theater playlettes where Rich partakes, Fake Tiger, Ticket Mouse, Jabari’s secret informant, so many more, I’ll add to the list as I think of them.
The genius of David Robinson Also – Running around Texas Stadium nekkid “I will beat yo ass!”
The Ticket has brought me endless hours of laughter over the 17 years. Favorite characters are Ribby, Norman from Sachse and Microphone Johnson.
Favorite Ribby bit was the “historical” Ribby where you had audio from him in the 70s, 80s and 90s. He was sharp and had it together in the past before his slow demise.
Especially when they talked Brad Sham into participating in the bit.
Speaking of, the short lived “Exploding Brad Sham laugh-fart” was greatness…..
I loved when the fake Norm called up the real Dale Hansen and wanted to share his hotel room. It revealed who Dale really was and I was a became a P1 that day!
How about when the fake Dan Bennett asked Dale to co-host with Rocco?
the best show is the fake goose gosselin with norm. listening to craig die laughing in the background is what makes it so funny.
Any Microphone Johnson skit.
Any compound, road-trip, campout, or other Ticket event where all the hosts are together at the same time.
Fake Juan Gonzales because he was always happy/escited.
I was listening the morning that Skip Bayless spoke those opening words and have been waking up to you guys every morning since then. I dragged my beautiful wife of 38 years through this love affair with a silly radio station and raised 3 kids that are now all fans. We buried a Dad and a Dad-in-law during these 17 years and welcomed our first grand-baby to our P1 family.
The Ticket has given me so many great moments but you never meant more to me then during all that happened on 9/11. You guys were at your best and should be proud of the way you helped me, and others, through those first terrifying hours.
My fav moment was when the musers had Tom Wopat (Famous Duke Boy) on the show. Gordon was filling in for George, who had called in. Gordon had to go to the men’s room and Tom insisted he take the class ring he had just bought. Gordon did so placing the ring on his bathroom part. “dirty bit” It fit nicely w/o lub.
Gordon I love you!! Furniture rules!!
I think you’re making that up.
okay, so there was an off brand jar of lube used.
and it could have been the other duke boy but i cant spell snider with a sch
goodmorning to you
Happy birthday Ticket. My life aha had a lot of ups and downs over the past 17. One constant has been The Ticket. Thanks guys
My favorite Ticket memories involve Ribby as an undercover hitman following the Michael Irvin strippers/hotel/cocaine incident. The part were Ribby is a dancer with a weapon in his “tig ole bitties” is a classic!!
Ski Mask Laddy and Sgt. Buck Maverick are the two characters I miss most.
But the single most hilarious moment in Ticket history was the REAL Nolan Ryan recounting the snow monkey story at Ticketstock. Just thinking about it makes me laugh.
Bloody pants says I LOVE YOU
My favorite old bit is the Ya Know Championship. I was in high school/college in its heyday, and my friends and I always made a point to stop down for it.
To this day, I sometimes find myself grading people’s Ya Know efforts.
All the time. It’s funny how that has stuck with me. I grade my own ya knows!
Is Tom Foolery still coaching? RIP Snicky Snack.
sometime juan he score with double, sometime juan he score with triple, sometime juan he score with pudge’s saucy enchilada __________
Gotta be the Fake Billy Tubbs…he was so insane…i just remember something about the zebra intestines make my pinky toes tingle Chuck…. or something like that. The more insane the better. I remember I was at a college basketball game and he was sitting in front of me a while back, and he was scouting a player at TJC. I asked him if he knew about the fake him. He said no. Bring back fake Billy Tubbs.
Greggo talking about his new invention ” Joe Willies onion ring flavored eatable panties.”
I have two favorite moments:
The first was at a Ticketstock in the late 90′s. There was a competition to win Stars tickets and you had to make a slapshot in a creative way. Two guys came out in breakaway sweats and then ripped them off to reveal that they were wearing nothing but patent leather thongs that said “bitch” on them. One laid down while the other tried to hit the puck off of his crotch. Families with small children watched in horror.
The second best moment was when Gordo was attacked by Nasty Nestor while “trying” to present an olive branch.
Rumors of War guy and the ghost of Ronald Reagan.
I said the same thing to Corby when I saw him at the Oui Lounge on South University in FW a couple years ago. I was with my dad listening on day one. I miss The Little Ticket every day I don’t live in the Metroplex. Nothing has made me laugh nearly so much over an extended period (over half of my life) than Ticket hijinx and bits. Fake Chan Gailey sitting down to lunch with Fake Johnny Oates is a personal favorite, but by no means the pinnacle. I can’t remember the best stuff, it all runs together in a great big impersonal, yet somehow totally personal, have good get give fun time. Thanks Gordo, thanks Ticket.
Ooooohhhhh my aching balls….
I can still remember the lay-out on George when he proclaimed “CRUELLLAAAAA DEVILLLLLLLLE!!!”.
I was also tuned in for the circumnavigation of Belt Line Road.
I had one of the original Ticketchick Calendars back in 96 or 97. Quality has improved since then I think.
I tried to circumnavigate Beltline once. Started in Irving, and bailed when I got to 35. I got tired. :/
The fake van cliburn contest was tee tee in your pants funny – i think george or gordo was speaking in a dignified golf voice as some hamfisted pianist was playing knuckles or heart and soul. it was greatness.
The real Nolan Ryan’s snow monkey story was way better than all of the fake Nolan Ryan’s snow monkey stories which were fantastic! It was cheap to get rid of Nigel at the request of the P1 and then bring back Nigel as Nigel’s brother. I miss The Rant.
Too many faves to mention but I’ll add:
- The Ghost of Harry Carey calling Rangers training camp games in AZ
- ALL of Gordo’s interviews with SB athletes (“When your left hand?”)
- Back when Norm was at 570, the Norm/Andy Panda bits were delicious.
- Compounds/Campouts… all were great, I hope they can return.
- the whole Rocco Pendola “Livergate”… hope he’s happy as a urban advocate and writer, he didn’t seem like a happy broadcaster.
Most of all, I appreciate the “ticketization” of my family’s language. It’s funny to me that my wife peppers her talk with phrases like “wheels off”, “schtick” and “failed bit”.
I still remember the ‘Prank call of the week’ bit back in the day. Fake Jerry would have to call in an order to go from someplace because the whole team was working through the night to figure out their gameplan…
Classic!
“I have jello and pickles in my underwear…Chuck!” – Loved the fake Billy Tubbs!
Chris Chris and his nephew Dylan (teenage punk) are the best…followed by the Fake Tiger…but whatever happened to the Fake Phil Mickelson? That was done once I think but never again yet it was hilarious. Any Babe Ruth or 1920s Reporter Guy repartee really is the cat’s pajamas and is a swell way to jazz up your soiree, see?
I enjoyed the Deep Throat Informant in which the machine broke and DTI was revealed to be the Ticket’s own Troy Aikman.
So many…but two…most of the fake Tigers. As soon as I hear his voice I can’t wait to hear the mash up of stereotypes and randomness that will describe how Earl impregnated his moogoogaypan mommie…
One of my first memories was early, early on when Gordo would come on at midnight at talk to all the drunken stoned and generally blasted callers gently leading them to say some crazy stuff. That’s when I first knew we got something insane and good here like I’ve never heard before.
My favorite memory from The Ticket was when Bob, Dan, and Donovan didn’t exist.
Second would be when the Mavericks signed Big Foot.
The Joseph and Mary not being Mexican joke almost made me run my car head first into a tree (thnx Gordo), cuz i fell over in the seat laughing. And the remix of David Lee Roth screaming over the Carpenters is radio gold…no Platinum, cuz everyone knows in Dungeons and Dragons platinum is worth a whole lot more than gold.
The Roth screams make me laugh everytime I hear ‘em!
Love the D & D reference, too! One of the best games of all time!
Great story, JB…tell it again!
One Saturday on the Rant you were on a remote somewhere and someone with a foreign accent stopped by to talk, then you proceeded to insult him and his country, anyone remember the details? It was gold.
I cannot believe you did not bring up the time I suggested replacing Troy as QB with Bill Bate. Bill had been on the Cowboys longer than Troy and should know all of the plays better than Troy.
SOooooo What you were saying is my idea is stupid? That I am some guy that shouldn’t have an opinion and that I am not as smart as you.
Oh yeah you from North Texas with your big ideas and your wealth of sports knowledge………..
Juniors humor is underrated….
“We have Sexy Suzy on the phone…How old are you” ?
“I’m 23″
“Whore”
sports
Fake Juando – Sonetine the ref make a goo call, sonetine the ref make a bad call, sonetine the ref gyp Juan’s mexican ass!
I miss The Hammer in all his incarnations, real imagined or otherwise. I feel like this Texas Aggie slogan also applies to the P1 and all things Ticket – “from the inside looking out you can’t explain it, and from the outside looking in you can’t understand it.” Get warm on the inside with the rest of us!
Thanks for ruining this moment for me Aggot!
oh-kaaay?
I remember sitting at a full stop in I-75 traffic, laughing, and with tears running down my face laughing at the Nellie’s drafting Bigfoot. It was one killer one-liner after another for minutes. Cars next to me were looking at me like I was nuts.
i still remember where i was (on cooper street in arlington heading to class) when i heard either the generic youth minister or Carlton Maxwell sing “one man come in the name of love. One man come and go. one man come and i close my eyes. one man to overblow”… followed by a quick interuption. I laughed my arss off. love you guys
Fake Billy Tubbs: On one hand, we have some strong athletes this year, chuck. On the other hand, I have some mayonnaise. Brilliant!
The Fake Youth Minister (although he is suspiciously accurate): Don’t forget to tell your friends about the lock-in!
And whatever happened to The Professor out at the Rangers games?
Happy birthday, Chuck.
Still remember British Gordo backstage at the Lilith Fair concert. I almost drove off the road I was laughing so hard, especially when British Gordo was describing the backstage buffet, which included a heavy dose of “tacos”. As a Day 1 P1, It can’t believe how this station has become a regular part of my life. Hell, I managed to convince my wife to set the clock radio next to our bed on 1310. At 6:15, I’m awakened to the sounds of the Musers. Great way to start the day!
I told my future wifey, on our second date after a long kiss…that she was making my pants go crazy..she’d never heard it and thought I was a genius and funny…this was in 2002..married with three younguns now..stay hard little ticket.
My favorite moment is one of the following: on Hypothetical Monday when Gordon asked Craig if he could have any woman he wanted but in return, once a year, he must make love to Ty Walker against his will OR when Fake Jerry and Wade picked up a new puppy that would up being a wild pit bull that ripped Jerry to shreds.
I have a vague, distant memory of the Musers having to drop their pants, for some reason. Everytime something was said, or something happened, they have to go pantsless. Anyone remember that? What was that? How wacky FM was that? LOL!
The Pigskin Poet telling us P1s, “Six to six at six is Satan’s way of telling me to take my life” after that 2002 QCar-led fiasco in the desert. Brilliant!
Coach Tom Foolery’s coaching exchange trip to Japan equaled sheer genius.
Need more Tom Foolery and Pigskin Poet.
Love Junior’s Constant Level Lake prank call story…always gives me a giggle. Tell it again!
Too many classic, laugh-oout moments to list, but my favorites include the Fake Greggo getting a polygraph, the Fake Al Gore talking to Edna (… I smushed a gopher with my car…), every Deep Throat Informant bit, every TicketMouse bit, and the Why Today Doesn’t Suck segment when they all had chipmunk voices. Thanks for being true genius… and for getting rid of Mickey Spangola.
Bring back Nigel.
No funeral.
bring back “Dead Today Now Alive!!!!!”
Station Managers gone Wild:
http://www.page2live.com/2011/01/26/strippers-act-lands-channel-12-honcho-in-slammer/?cxntlid=cmg_cntnt_rss
I loved Coach Tom Foolery! Juniors open letters and the occasional belly laugh of the Jah Dunham crack me up too.
Little Girl Greggo, Mavs taking Sasquatch in the NBA draft, the Ticket Mouse, Fake Jerry singing “Kiss” by Prince, any Musers playlet with Rich Phillips (I think?) voicing the role of seductress, Norm-Goose bits where Norm is alternately Norman “Elizabeth” Hitzges or Norman “Goebbels” Hitzges…
Greggos Airport Security Check Point.My brother and I still laugh about it to this day!
You’re name’s Al? As in AL QAEDA???
The Musers and Gordo talking about the effect of the Army’s “gay bomb” while Cher music is playing in the background … I almost wrecked my car!
I miss the days of the dark humor and the music that would go along with it when dark humor had been unleashed. I also miss the compound. LOVE the compound. Johnny Oates the alien was also a nice one.
I am lucky enough that I can listen all day from 8am to 3:30pm every single day. Keep it up!
I listen all day too, don’t you think there is something wrong with us? Although I do sneak a listen to Greggo at the fan(Fake ticket).
i’ve been tuned in for most of the 17 years. i still love the ticket…but, you have to admit that the hardline in its heyday with greggo was absolute greatness that can never be duplicated. i also loved all the fake characters, especially from the early years. microphone johnson made me laugh til i cired every time. but, one that i dont know if anyone has mentioned is the musers weekly visit with the great coach tom foolery…hilarious stuff. oh and bring back ribby! rafael palmeiro, hes got the good bone marrow!
The Saturday morning Rant when Gordon cheerfully and methodically listen to Rocco dig his own grave with the station.
Bring back the Over-Cusser, best, most uncomfortable bit ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While the bits where the athlete started cussing were good, the one big where the Over-Cusser did it to the very Christian UT baseball pitcher was the best
A few come to mind…
First has got to be the Ticket Staff Meeting on Sexual Harrassment Policy at work. I wish I had a tape of that..
Fake Norm asking Dale if he could room with him – classic.
The many times Rocko showed himself for the ass he is.
Johnny ATG
Oops.
Johnny ATV and his little buddy Fetus the Fetus.
I love Mush Mouth, Fake Jerry and Fake Greggo (RIP)
Fake Greggo has to be the top. I remember him going to Raffy’s house to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
If you tell people horescrap’s peanut butter long enough they’re gonna eat it…..don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya – Stay Hard!
I seem to remember these words with great fondness, even if I only remember bits and pieices.
Rogers in Hammerstein
fruitdog
gnom who lives in pudding
and how can we forget bunpot!
Thanks Ticket for the last 17 years. You have really given us something special here in Dallas.
Halloween and Valentines Cards. Dear Lover- roses are red violets are blue, leave the back door open and condoms on the nightstand. i’ll bring the rib separator. or somesuch
Chris Mckinley xmas carols – little drummer boy
Gordon rolls in to a restaurant wearing the devil suit, sits down, and starts up a conversation with the waitress.
Devil Gordon: So, where are from originally?
Waitress: Germany
Devil Gordon: ahhh,yes. I’ve done a lot of work with them.
The first P1 who puts a pie in Nasty Nestors’ face next week should get some free Ticket gear!
What do you wanna bet he doesn’t even come?
I’ve been listening for so long that it’s next to impossible to pick my favorites. Of all of the shows, The Rant was my favorite. I used to drink a fifth of Wild Turkey 101, fire up the lawnmower and run over squirrels while manically laughing from listening. The baby arm talks were definitely magic. My favorite character was probably Little Girl Greggo and now is Fake Norm. My favorite sayings are probably “Have good get give” and “When are your left hand”. My favorite drop would probably be Greggo’s “Would would would would…” Lastly, my favorite prank was either the fake Al Gore call to Edna where the great “Right right right” drop was born or the cosmetics one where Greggo had to say all of those made-up products’ names. Thanks for a lot of great years!!!
My favorite ticket moment was reffing Charity Challenge on Ice 4 at Reunion Arena and then getting interviewed by Bob and Dan on the air the next day.
Best Ticket Characters in order of greatness:
1. Fake Greggo (obvious)
2. Ribby
3. Fake Billy Tubbs
4. Microphone Johnson
5. All disgruntled bikini chicks
Alexei’s failed ticker is maybe the best 1:30 of air time ever spent:
Last night was a big night on the uh TV.
With the NBA having 2 games in the finals for both the East and Western Conferences.
The LA Lakers won over the Sacramento Kings 106-102 getting most of the calls at home… so Sacramento will probably go home and Vlade will be happy with that.
In the other final in the Eastern Conference, NJ and Boston, New Jersey ends the series and wins it over Boston with a 96-88 victory. Their win makes the first time that they have gone to the NBA Finals without the doctor.
And in baseball, we had the Rangers, who played on last night, and they played against someone that I don’t know right now. But they choked against the Royals and they did not win and I don’t have a score on that game.
Also in baseball the Astros played the Cubs yesterday and won 4-1.
The Mariners WON, cuz they’re in the Western Conference so we are keeping up with them. They LOST 8-7 to the Orioles.
Also in golf, going on, Greg Norman leads the Kemper Open at age 47, he hasn’t won in the last 5 years, but he has a lead, and I think he’s at minus 10 going into the weekend, where he just might choke.
Two segments stuck in brain pan from long ago. One morning, Gordon related a story about an encounter with a presumed street person in an Albersons parking lot. The guy was writing what Gordon said was his rambling manifesto and speaking to himself as he wrote. “THANK YOU” he would yell out when he wrote a particularly good item. I still think of that story when ever I encounter a person talking to themselves in a store or when I’m wheeled down to sit for a while in the day room and I’m given 15 minutes with some wecome sunshine and a smuggled in tube of airplane glue.
My favorite Ticket moment will be when they ditch the orange juice cans and string for a real transmitter.
My favorite moment was when Ron quit being a dick.
Loved the rant where the traffic reporter explained that she had “people following her” all over DFW. Funny and uncomfortable at the same time. Not sure what happened to her…….
favorite rant moment “C towel’RAG talk gordon why dont movies show realitiy of “no condom” sex?
Fake Tiger with Fuzzy Zoeller – had me rolling. Well, any fake Tiger really.
Need to find out where Johnny Wyatt has been and what he’s up to.
I still have my Best of the Hardline cassette (sponsored by Miller Lite) that I bought at Ticketstock when it was at Big Town Convention Center.
An underrated classic is when Gordo was at the Planet Hollywood opening and asked Charlie Sheen if he was embarrassed by the Mighty Ducks films. Charlie, without missing a beat, said “I shouldn’t be. I wasn’t in them.”
[...] Happy Birthday, Ticket The Ticket turned 17 years old on Monday. That’s legal in the state of Texas. I thought I would open up the comments [...] [...]
The Dallas Stars Playoff Postgame Show after they won the Cup in 1999 was spectacular stuff. Y’all got on the air just a couple of minutes after Hull scored at 1:30 in the morning and didn’t sign off until 7 o’clock. Bob called in from the Stars’ locker room and got that GOLD audio from a very buzzed Eddie Belfour.
They can’t do that.
I remember those play-offs. I remember the Hardline
was at the arena before one of the games. Gordo was
out with the wireless when someone walked up with a home made Stanley Cup and Gordon asked them if whom-ever made the cup was “special needs”. Also Micro-phone Johnson asked either Hitch or one of the Stars about the Stanley
“Trophy”. Greggo then stated”You just jinxed the Stars”
Yes, great ticket memories and great times when Dallas could win a Championship.
Gordo and Junior reading the Jiverly Wong letter. I highlights:
“During 18 years, I got 7 years and 8 month delivery to grocery in the California.”
“On the 13 time had three time touch me when I sleeping. One time stolen 20 dollar in my wallet. One time used electric gun shoot at the behind my neck. That time I did not know English.”
“Already impartial now. Cop bring about the shooting. Cop must responsible. And you have a nice day.”
CHUCK
Please bring back Ticket TV. It was the most transcendent, unstoppable show of all time.
Fake Billy tubs…..anything norm, but especially Andy panda. Corby drops and RIP greggo.
Happy Birthday, Ticket, and thanks for 17 years.
Some favorite moments: First time I heard Fake Tiger (“I sleep in a race car bed”).. Greggo and Chief Kunkel.. Fake Bob Ortegal (“The African Scorer!”).. The Ticket road trips.. The time I almost wrecked on the Tollway after hearing “My sister’s stinky box” live..
Personal moment, laughing with my cousin (and best friend) after calling The Rant and suggesting Jerry should put the Pope in the Ring of Honor before it was too late.. My uncle had passed away a few days before and although it seems strange it lifted our spirits for a few minutes.
Sean Bradley – The Monogamous Mormon Mantis!
Eduardo Najera – The Mexican Jumping Bean!
and Steve Nash – The Dishing Honky!
I cant get enough of fake norm. but its hard to say, so many things about the ticket are unique and hilarious. the entire day brings something to the table (okay, some are really lacking. adjusts hood). awesomesauce all over the dial.
Fake Jerry…..fake Greggo….Ed Carter
Corby with Shaq, The Interruptor, and The Overcusser are the best!
Baby Arm!!
For now my top 7 list of favorite GorDON’s FAKE and not so FAKE characters.(in no particular order)
7. Fake Tiger
6. Fake Jerry
5. Fake Norm
4. Fake Greggo
3. Ribby
2. Mushmouth
1. Sports Pantie
DTI with Josh Hamilton in AZ when he had his wild night. Stealing a jet to make a beer run.
Fake Nolan Ryan and the snow bunny fiasco. Motorcycle greggo, fake Tiger and his Kung Pow chitlins. It truly could go on and on. I hope you had as much fun doing all that jazz as I did careening off the road and claiming fake deer events on my insurance.
Favorite moments:
1. Rangers signed A-Rod and 12-Pounder song (remember DFW iced over that day)
2. Fake Greggo sings Jewel songs
3. Ticket mouse (all of them)
4. Ribby’s NFL Mock Drafts
5. Gordo getting arrested in Green Bay
6. Corby
Got a buzz on with the Laddy at Rick’s on the Brick’s
one time, and he told the story and demonstrated how the flipper armed man he knew could turn up a longneck beer and drain the bottle without using his hands or feet. Hysterical. Too bad it wasn’t on air. He did it more than once that afternoon. I still love it all. Thanks for the happy memories.
I was listening when Skippy did his first bit.
I miss Sideshow Bob.
I miss the darkness music.
My favorite Ticket moment was when Rhynes did the first “haze gray and underway” opening; such GREATNESS!
Appreciate ya, pal.
OH! And when Sideshow called Recto Pendejo “pure radio anthrax,” and the Hardline picked it up for their intros.
Thanks! But actually, I said that when having on-air nemesis confrontation with Fernando and was referring to his irritating voice (“Monticello,” “Breakfast Quesadillas,” etc.). George had put me up to calling in and doing that at a GNO the previous night at GameWorks in Grapevine Mills Mall (I think that was like only the second or third GNO ever – would have probably been Feb. ’97 or ’98).
I miss Microphone Johnson. Fake Jerry is almost as funny as real Jerry.
Gordo’s first uncomfortable interview with Cheech. He still hates you!!!
The Saturday on the Rant when Corby first mentioned he was going to be a Dad. 911, all the stuff, but that’s when I teared up and knew that I couldn’t live without those people. And if it’s the End, “What ya say there Miller Man?????” No funeral.
JC
You guys aimed at me from the first day and I am still by the channel even when traveling via the miracle of the www. Now you’ve been around so long that I have outlived your demographic. Still listening and still laughing. Now my grown son listens too. Who knew all this nonsense would add up to be so significant to people. Happy birthday.
Plainly and simply, the best on-air bit was the Fake Al Gore. “I went so I could kill some Chinese”. Fake Johnny Oates as a recurring character absolutely ruled. Too bad he can’t be resurrected. I mean the character. Not the corpse. Most fun at a Ticket event was a random-assed night at the Barley House with Gordon playing guitar and singing theme songs from commercials like Man’s Best Friend and Clamato. “Clamato Tomato is the juice I love. When you say the name I hear the voice above….” You were also saying some really crude, giggle-making things to the really hot girls walking through the bar.
This station has shaped a huge amount of the collective thought of Dallas sports for the last 17 years. “Here’s to you” he said as he lifted a glass in The Ticket’s honor.
favorite moment: Fake Al Gore calls Edna at the VFW.
Favorite character: Baseball Tiger Foot. Out-obscure that one MFers.
One that stood out for me was coach tom foolery, and back when you had the crutch word of the week. The crutch word of the week was “vert” which is defined as “a green vegetation that can serve as cover for deer.” (Had to look that up) You had Brad Sham and Dale Hansen to do play by play for the Lollygag high school game, and Bodie fumbles. I remember Dale vividly saying “you just can’t put the ball on the vert.”
I use to listen to fake Juando and fake Greggo call into phone sex hotline. 6-60 blind cripple and crazy. Genius gordo. Keep making Georgy tense
Burrito Jimmy and Fake Norm and the Goose!
“I got rocks in my panties Chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck……..”
Blood Cannons!
Mike Rhyner getting a compliment on the nautical intros. So he decided to extend it more every day until the intro took almost 10 minutes.
I can’t list all of my favorite moments, the internet is only so big, you know. Most have been voiced already but:
-All the hypotheticals
-The concept of drops (mark)
-Mavs drafting Big Foot
-Gordo’s arrest (and the Hard Line distancing)
-The Compounds
-1,472,692 nickname for Jub. I mean George.
-Coach Tom Foolery
-Hanson pranked by fake Norm
and the lesser known:
-The Rant/Gordon calling Monica Lewinski’s home
-Real Norm calling in from 570 talking to Fake Norm
If I dreamt the last 2, I don’t want to know. Love ya.
Dammit – forgot to thank you for the 2 weeks you abandoned sports to discuss 9/11. It was very well done.
Summer Bash at Sundance Square was cool.
Omg, yes! I remember I went straight over there from work on Friday, and walked over to the Tandy Center to buy swim trunks so I could enjoy the pools. Some drunk dude thought I was Jared Fogle.
I miss the humble fake Garth Brooks songs.
The tension derived from George’s reaction to F Michelle Wui or F Tiger entailing the exploits of his dad and his violent conception.
Little girl greggo
Little blue pill guy
Your constant companion, sports panties
Oil Derrick norm
Tom Foolery is missed every fall–forever
Ed Carter’s Sports report, Ticket Mouse and Mushmouth (esp the wheels off segment with Burrito Jimmy) provide unspeakable pleasures for the the soul. They will be missed…
Favorite Ticket moment ever was towards the end of The Rant’s run. Dead hung stigmataed anti-semite Santa Clause almost made me drive off the road.
Fake Bob Ortegal’s Maverick nicknames.
Every compound, Fake Chief Kunkle, Cheerleader Think Tank (Musers), Fax Fodder, the daily attempt to keep Coop on well after his shift ended, and evey Gas Cap Louie bit. Also every Muser 2-5 promo. Mining for diamonds on Uranus.
The interview with Chris Schenkel right after his forced retirement and you guys made him cry. Giggle.
Most I’ve ever laughed in my life was a tie between:
a) the milk monkey
b) old cried pants
Vaginal Slice Born Born
Dried E
Front Bottom Georgio
RFPD
W.O.W.Y. (please bring it back)
My favorite character is the Redundant Man of Redundancy and the Redundant Man of Redundancy. Snake is good as a host but was better as a Yuck Monkey.
I like Peach Cobbler!
I still remember my introduction to the ticket in 1997:
> the Ticket Star Wars parody
> Fake Norm and Andy Panda
> Fake Tiger
> Creation of the E-Brake awards in 99-00.
> Nigel “Teach me about sport, Georgie”
Thanks for making our sorry lives a little easier to bear, Ticket. Here is to 17 more years – or until Gordo grows up, whichever comes first.
Nigel the transfer student
johnnny rodriguez’s letter from jail about killing the playmaker
Gordo’s valentines
Late night ticket princess
Mike Menton’s a bitch!
Fake Jaun Gonzales, “Sometimes listen to Sports Radio 1310, sometimes not listen to SportsRadio 1310.” Also talking about his ex-wives, and saying “how you say,” then throwing out a perfectly-pronounced 5 syllable word in English
Love the morning on the Rant when Irving Cares showed up. Also, loved when Fake Greggo brought in Polly Pussycat. About to get Gay here- Lots of memories with you guys, I feel like one of the guys. Thanks for the laughter.
Why is the fake Michelle Wie not here? Clearly Jub’s favorite character
Anything Gordo or Cobra did to derail Barb. I seem to remember an air horn or something else similar Gordo unleashed on her during a traffic report once that was spit out your coffee funny. I’m still looking for Heaven’s Gate BBQ.
Love Junior’s childhood memories like baseball cards and Dr Pepper Jr Rangers. Does anyone still call him Professor Baseball anymore?
Why does Mike still continue to say “on our phones now Greggo” before an interview when Greggo has been gone for years now?
Doogie and Mark.
Cubes calling the station impromptu is always fun too.
Skinlannins and Carlton Maxwell.
Get your ass hung up on now you idiot full version.
Man and wife on voicemail in car, got enough on my damn mind already.
Fake Nash and Dirk.
Do you like this gig?
That wasn’t the quesstion.
The morning Gentle Musers in the Morning are still making me laugh years and years later.
Mush Mouth
Crazy Forty-Niner (under-rated)
Star Wars promo with station staff. (’96 or so)
Prank calls to other radio shows (some local?)
Wireless – UNT Economics Class during finals review.
Ribbi
You Know
Keep going
I graduated college shortly before the ticket took to the air. I have been listening since the beginning and asking me to pick a favorite ticket moment is much like asking to pick my favorite child.
Ok, so my oldest is my favorite. My favorite ticket moment was actually a series of moments. I loved the first, or one of the first, ad campaigns. I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was tell a friend about the ticket because we don’t have any ad money. I had so many funny conversations trying to convince people to listen to an ALL SPORTS STATION! HOW COULD THAT BE!
Good times. Thanks for all of them.
9/11. You guys turned from radio guys to friends and family. We built a connection/bond with you that can never be broken. It’s little surprise that there has been very little turnover among hosts at the ticket since then.
MushMouth saying OJ? OJ? (I randomly find myself saying that anytime I hear about the other OJ or even when I’m getting a glass of orange juice!)
The crazy fake Billy Tubbs and his obsession with Chuck Cooperstein was always one to make me chuckle.
One of my favorite memories was when Gordo went cordless to the SMU library. If I remember correctly, you wore the devil costume to interview the lady behind the counter. I was driving down Central and almost crashed into 5 cars.
I remember this bit – Gordo (the posterboy of underacheivement, student of eros, the devil’s own) wanted to hang a Ticketchick calendar in the library. The station had printed way too many.
The older librarian wanted no part of it, and Gordo was kicked out.
Tom Foolery singing his Michael Irvin song (to the tune of Macarena), The Rant, Microphone Johnson, Norm & Andy Panda, Fake Greggo program de-tect-er, Dan’s “presumptuous” joke from the compound, Mavs drafting Sasquatch, Grubes laughing in the background (usually funnier than the jokes he’s laughing at).
The greatness of the Rant, Microphone Johnson really is awesome, and Barb getting pranked all the time! Need more pranks nowadays…
I’m shovin’ an enchilada up Nasty’s butt when he gets here!
That’s a perfectly good waste of an enchilada. Use a Chalupa.
I cant believe no one brought up the “Hey man, Whats up?” rodeo. Genius.
Too many other bits to count. Fake Bob Ortegal always cracked me up. Michael Finley the African Scorer. loved it.
Mark Follow driving around with a gay pride sticker on his car for months was awesome as well.
Thanks guys for all the laughs and near wrecks.
Norm poetry and Stossel-Rooney were my favs.
Here are a few funny moments from the early days of the Little Ticket.
Greggo and Rhynes had a heated discussion about race horses. Greggo was convinced that horses were smart and knew when they won a race. Mike said they were just dumb animals that ran fast because the jockey was on their back whipping their arse.
Back when Gordo hosted the Rant on Saturdays after midnight, one night the topic was casual sex. Would women rather be with someone they respected or someone with a wild side? A drunk P1 called in and said that the women of the 90s preferred the wild side – someone that would “take a dive on the tuna”.
Back when the Michael Irvin stuff was going on, Corby prank called Mark Followill (still a Ticker guy). Corby pretended to be a New Orleans radio guy. Mark took it very seriously. As the interview went on, the questions got more ridiculous (if Mark if Irvin was hung like a horse). After the prank, there was a physical altercation between Corby and Mark, who tried to get the tape. Mark did not want the tape played on the air and threatened to sue everyone involved.
I miss the two minute drill. You are a true P1 if you can remember the six simple edicts.
“Remember these six simple edicts and this can go wherever you want it to…….You’re on the two-minute drill – GO!”
Lets see, No cussing, don’t acknowlege any hosts, don’t ask a question, keep it short, and I got nothing
Every call has to start with “I think that…..”
The bit I keep asking for to be re-played but apparently has been deleted forever….Fake Troy spokesman for Potters Sausage and ACME Brick or something close to that.
I remember Spare Wars:
“You’re kinda short for a Stormtrooper”
“You’re kinda fat for a Princess”
Ticket mouse makes me laugh till I tinkle a little bit.
Thank you, now get your clothes off b*tch!
I know it was only for a contest, but I always loved the Jerryoke bits. Every time I hear “Don’t You Want Me” by The Human League, I always hear Fake Jerry singing it, and I always add in “Don’t you want me Davey”.
Oh, and Norm’s Friday Funnies. I sent some bit-links to online friends, and they likened him to Harvey Kneeslapper from Sesame Street.
Tour de Pamts When Junior pulled me around Pissum Kungdom.
The Tour de pants was great also
I look forward to all the shinanigans, and hiJinks associated with the superbowl trips, and any of the out of town adventures. One of my favorites is the alarm clock prank a couple years ago. Keep up the greatness!
Dammit. I just realize that there’s gonna be no Alarmgate, Poidress, or Snake swimming around in a fountain, or any good stuff like that this Superbowl.
PUFF DADDY!
It may sound gay, but, anything that starts Georgio’ infectious laugh. The Mavs drafting Bigfoot session was pull over and laugh time. George’ laughing made it uncontrollable for me.
Memories of top 5, bottom 5 anything – personal favorite top 5, bottom 5 body parts.
I would actually make it a point to be in my car for several hours during The Rant. I think I miss that the most – Dave and Danny try with The Orphanage, but that show must have strict limits regarding content.
“Did you see all those empty seats at my STAYJUM yesterday???”
That guy who tells wild ass stories and there is always a shotgun fired up in the air. Clarence?
With the Super Bowl almost here, let’s not forget that long before Nasty Nestor, Gordo’s original Super Bowl nemesis was that real life Guy Sportts himself…Gil Santos.
So tense!!!
Other obscure characters we need back…
Nacho Remnants Eating Man
Neal from Sheboygan
For me it was always ya know contest and the 2 minute drill.
Norm and Andy Panda by far. That bit used to have laughing so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes
I remember President Clinton and Jerry Jones were giving an interview while teeing off at some golf course. When it was Jerry’s turn to tee off he handed Clinton the phone and the next thing you here… (the golf swing) then Jerry saying, Damn, it went behind me!
Going “wireless” is awesome. It’s genius when Gordo interviews RV owner/occupants at TMS, as everyone of them smokes a pack of Marlboro reds and has 10 pounds of bacon frying in the background. Natural, unscripted comedy gold!
I loved the old character during Parcells tenure, Jeremiah Ontario. His weekly updates were awesome and always somehow involved Bill and his odd sexual tendencies.
So uncomfortable, glad i never had to hear it with my mother in the car.
Two great bits that don’t get mentioned much but make me giggle: Junior’s standup with Ribby mentoring him and commenting on his set.
Secondly When Bob and Dan were just starting, they were working out their forced chemistry on Saturdays after the Rant. Gordon ended the rant reperatedly for what seemed like 20-30 minutes. I thought Bob was rethinking his job in the big city. Good times.
My favorite character was coach Tom Foolery… PLEASE FIND WHAT 1A TOWN HE’S COACHING IN AND BRING HIM BACK!
One of my favorite moments was the day that Dan, Rick and someone else all played the parts of Alvin, Simon and Theodore (The Chipmunks) during Why Today Doesn’t Suck, which Greggo HATED. The “chipmunks” started laughing and the laughs of each chipmunk made the others laugh uncontrollably and it became a 5 minute laugh fest. I was a delivery driver at the time for a liquor supplier, I am sure that anyone that saw my van at that time thought I was tipping back my own supply. I literally had to pull off the road. I sat there, laughing so hard that the tears in my eyes caused me to become essentially blind for 5-10 minutes. I still recall it as one of the funniest moments of my life and each time I recall that day I laugh. Thank you Ticket for all the joy you’ve brought into my life these last 17 years.
To Fake Chuck Cooperstein – “My pockets are full of creamed corn and I drive a go kart made out of pickles, Chuck.”
There’s something wrong with me. I read all of these, remembered 99% of them and laughed AGAIN at a good few. Thanks, Ticket, for making me miss most of the last 17 years of music; the last song I listened to on a radio was ‘Shoop’, circa 1994.
When I lived outside the mexoplex, I would occasionally drive to Dallas on winter afternoons, with no other purpose than to keep the signal when it inevitably went ‘dark’ so I wouldn’t miss the end of the Hardline.
What a ride it’s been, boys.
P.S. Favorite bit: Big Tex, every year at fair time.
HAPPY GOOD BIRTHDAY TICKET PERSONELL!
it’s been a giggle!
favorite’s would Be anything fake greggo and fake tiger,to me always a nice giggle laugh!
keep up the good!
Fake Wade seeing a 30 foot camel toe on the Vigio board
First week I started listening
At the time there was some gambling/point-shaving scandal going on – during crosstalk, Gordo got Norm worked up about it by insinuating that he helps contribute to gambling problems (picks, betting site, etc.)
Norm said he was providing a needed to the P1s. Didn’t want them getting bad information.
Great stuff – got so heated management wouldn’t let it be replayed.
The 9/11 coverage was the best.
The Fake Steve Busby was greatness.
This is really minutia, back in the early days, North Texas had just hired Vic Trilli as their head basketball coach and someone called in as Trilli. George and Craig interviewed him for several minutes not knowing it was a prank.
The greatest moment in the history of ever was when you baited Nasty Nestor into choking you out live on the air! Man, you will put your life on the line for comedy, Gordo.
I’ve been reciting ticketizms for so long now, I dont even get credit from my wife when I DO come up with something clever to say on my own. She’ll just say, “you heard someone on the ticket say that.” You guys have been such a big part of my pointless swim through life I can’t imagine ever not listening all day every day. (except 12-3).
Cross Stitch Parakeet
Fax Fodder and the 2 minute drill. Rolling screenless. The Compounds. Grubes’ drop mastery. Speedo Dan and all the GBL payoffs.
Thanks for bringing us so much enjoyment! My ears will be listening…
One of my best memories is Gordon walking around Dallas in the Devil Suit. Going into a movie store and asking about titles with devil in the title. Then a cop rolled up and harassed Gordon, but little did we know the cop was listening. Good Times. Love You
Fake Greggo’s intern interview with Randy Galloway at WBAP.
Fake Al Gore talking to Edna at the VFW.
Old TCU basketball coach Billy Tubbs who always called George “Chuck”
John Stossel+Andy Rooney= Stosselrooney
Corby’s practical joke on his buddy at the uptight Country Club that denied acceptance to his buddy and his wife.
Everyone has pretty well listed every second of radio from the last 17 years. I’ll just say my favorites from each show:
Musers – Fake Chan Gailey, Gordon’s stupid questions like “Are you going to watch the Super Bowl?” to Troy, and other assorted Gordon shenanigans during compound, campout, etc…
Norm – Getting shot down by Nolan Ryan. Sounds good. His lack of caring for Bart Starr’s dead fetus.
Bob and Dan – The day Gribble finally punches Dan in the mouth.
Hardline – Back when Gordo was on there… And Mike painting his weiner.
White elephant day, the compound, SB week, you name any time any host shows up on any show, and magic happens. I love you all. Even though you big-time me on Twitter.
Harry Cox…Big Harry Cox
*How about the Dan & Tom fight where Dan screams, “I DON’T WANT AUDIO!”
*How about Mike Rhyner doing the “10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1..and your done!” to Pete Stein.
what about the guy that showed up at a musers road show at a driving range wearing a gorilla suit and holding up a sigh that read “jamari just touched home” after that gorilla was shot and killed at the dallas zoo.
loved every single fake greggo spot but the Fake Greggo getting a polygraph had me on the floor.
Whisky toasts to 1310 The Ticket from a Cowboy fan and internet P1 in Glasgow, Scotland. … and yes I would fight for Scotland!
Robot Greggo “Hazmat Uniform”, when they would call fake Juando and the clerk at the hotel would type for 90 seconds straight, clicking and clacking. My sister’s stinky box, burrito Jimmy, Clarence the maintenance man, and “Have a Hot Carl”. “You’re having, I’m Arby’s”
Happy Birthday, Ticket!
Favorite moments:
I miss the 2 minute drill…
David Robinson Also almost getting pummeled on-air…
Greggo’s “That wasn’t the question” interview…
The somber broadcast with George’s “Uh, Paul in uh…”
MOST of the well-placed drops which I have incorporated into my own Websters Brain pan…
Nestor’s choke hold (Someone still needs to give him a one-hitter-quitter)…
…and my favorite character awards go toooo……..
The Fake Greggo,
The Fake Billy Tubbs,
The Fake Tiger (especially when he has something to say about his dad…Earl…),
The Ticket Mouse, his laughter brings me to tears…
The Fake Norman Adolf Napoleon Hitzges and that laugh of his.
Thank you Ticket!
Thank you real hard.
How about Mike putting lipstick on his weenie and offering it a sip of crown while watching the Rangers.
Mark Menton is a b@tch, and Billy Davis for Rangers shortstop (he can fill the hole up the middle).
Fake Leonard Davis. Fake Seattle Slew. Fake Dirk. Brilliant.
How about the Fake Oliver Miller – “Mayonnaise, bitch!”
About 10-12 years ago, there was an E-Brake of the week that featured an author being interviewed about her newest book on some TV show. And they started taking phone calls from viewers. Some old man called in and insisted that “I’d like a book” and they’d ask him if he had a question for the author, but all he was focused on was getting a free copy of that book. I’m not doing it justice now, but every Friday morning for about a year, someone would call in during E-Brake voting and ask for a book.
Funniest moment hands down was when fake Nolan Ryan had snow monkeys “knock down his vapor light and break into his house and braid his hair”
Does anyone remember Junior (Miller) Airline?
I wasn’t listening on Day 1, but was listening during month 1. So many moments.. I really loved Chris Arnold doing BBQ talk, cause BBQ is a sport. Gay or not Gay has made me laugh to tears. Gordon in the Devil suit in Highland Park, Gordon getting arrested at Lambo had me cracking up. All the Norm “sex” drops. Being at the “King of Free’s” Morey Lowery’s place off Preston and meeting the hard line. Mike was very nice during a break and wanted to make sure I got a T-shirt in my size.. Greggo gave me the Heisman.. So many.. Going to my first Ticket Stock and realizing just how big the “little Ticket” had become.. Baby Arm, VSBB, Hey Dil…Gravy T*Ts…. Man.. I love the Ticket!!
OH.. and going through every day, and every time I say something odd or questionable.. having my wife, friends, relatives say “Mark”…….
Three things come to mind – the fake Tiger Woods, Chris Chris of course (I’m sure he will be going to all of the Super Bowl Parties and hanging out with all of the celebs), and one day way back in early Ticket history Gordo was interviewing an ex-con on the street and he his repeated comment was that he needed to “handle up on my business” but sounded more like he needed to “hannel up on my bidness” – funny!!!
I love the unexpected and impromptu moments between the different hosts such as during the Compound, the Camp Out and guys night out. I remember one time Gordon was doing something at the station in the afternoon and joined in on Why Today Doesn’t Suck. They played the station cancer song and I think he went into a fake Ronald Regan routine. I couldn’t stop laughing. The Compound was fantastic. Remember Junior doing his “West of the Rockies” radio show and watching it on web cam. Gordon with his incredible ability not only to impersonate almost any voice and add funny insane dialogue is true genius. Not to mention the dozens of characters he has developed. Stay Hard Ticket!! Hoping for another 17 years.
I remember the first week I started listening to the Ticket. The Hardline was ending every Ranch Report with Mickey by playing a drop of Greggo asking, “anything else going on at the ranch, nothing?”
The Rare Unintentional lay out:
My favorite bit happened about 5-6 years ago and I heard you mention it again last year (because of another P1′s email), but you guys did not remember it. Fake Norm was reading some excerpts from his book of poetry when he had a ‘touching tribute’ to the late Johnny Oates. The last line was something like, ‘so Johnny now that you’ve gone to sit with the lord, I have to tell you my friend, ‘Scoreboard….Scoreboard’ (meaning he outlived Johnny). I literally choked on my coffee…didn’t see that one coming at all. Junior and George were laughing so hard (but trying not to be heard, due to it being INCREDIBLY insensitive) that they layed out unintentionally (you could faintly hear Junior laughing so hard I swear he had to have tears running down his face). That made it that much better…10 mins of almost silence with faint muffled belly laughter. It still makes me laugh to this day!
and remember kids, don’t jar.
No funeral*
Y’all have to look back for BAD Radio’s Donnie interviewing Charlie Murphy (If I remember correctly one of his firt opportunities to contribute with an interview). It was a wreck worth hearing again. Something like this, Donovan: “So what’s it like riding your brothers coat-tails?” Charlie: (Silence, something stated but still sounded just like, “I will kick yo ass!” End of interview. The training wheels fell off and it didn’t even show up on as part fo the E Brake that week?! Go live in Pittsburg Black & Gold Bomber!
Does anyone besides me and the spousal unit miss Coach Tom Foolery? We LOVED him.
Greggo at the spelling bee,and thank all of you for 17 years of pure sports and funny stuff,i feel like i know all of you,i speak Ticket all the time, and people just look at me like i’m crazy, by the way 1′m 63 and a P1 from D1,none of my radios(4) ever change,just like the little Ticket(well it changed but still stayed the same)love you guys and thank you all……..babyarm.thank you Gordo for this thread.
I actually believed Guy Sportts was real until about the fourth time I heard it…. It was so much like the national shows on at the time with the generic topics that I was fooled… I was actually disappointed when I realized you were not fighting with a real host!
JOOOOOOOOOOSH!
Did you catch on before or after “You, sir, are no Preston Munchinsonton”?
Two things: One was a discussion the Musers had of going to a nudist resort, which devolved into standing at the bottom of a ladder, looking up at their fathers, bologna flying about wildly. Don’t know how they got there, but I was driving and crying from the laughing. The second was the when on the Rant there was a discussion of sex with Britney Spears, and someone called in saying that because Spears was so popular with little girls, if you talked about having sex with ASpears, you really wanted to have sex with little girls. I thought he was joking, but he sounded serious. Baby Arm.
Snow monkeys and the ebreak for alltime, dan and lee corso
9/11 coverage
Fake local media roundtable with fake Scott Murray
Gordo with the wireless mic, anywhere
HAZMAT UNIFORM
When the Fake Ted Kennedy morphed into the fake Crocodile Dundee.
The Al Gore – Edna campaign call.
“Let’s talk about them boobs!”
The Rant
When Ribby breaks into song.
Fake Greggo singing Jewel’s “You were Meant for Me”
Handing the ticketmouse a lit cigar while he’s holding fireworks.
The first year of “Homer Call of the Week” (which has lost it’s luster)
Ya Know Championship.
Maybe not the best moment but it made me laugh off and on all day… Ribby Pulse doing last years NFL draft and every pick was Ndamukong Suh… I can still hear Ribby pronouncing that name and it makes me laugh
Paultz
The Half-Assed Novelist’s lesser-known colleague, The Liner Humorist.
favorite line of all time is when fake nolan was talking about ron washington of course being homeless….”he was sleeping in the dugout, so i went over and knocked the wilted lettuce off his trench coat and woke him up.”
-mongoose microwave
The dawson’s creek song sung by Greggo, and the Greggo love line
I seem to remember a great ad from 5-6 years ago that had the whole Ticket crew and every Fake character ever singing something all together like “Why Can’t We Be Friends” – you could hear Fake Jerry and Motorcycle Greggo harmonizing – pure genius! Does anyone remember this or know what I’m talking about? I’d love to have that audio.
Every moment ever when my dad, brother or P1 buddy would call me and say – tune in right now they are pranking the hell out of (fill in the blank). This is how I heard about Danny’s little trip to Burger King and then the airport.
So many good ones already listed. Serious: the 9/11 coverage. I felt like I was dealing with that tragedy alongside good friends.
Funny: I moved to TX and just started listening to the ticket about a month before BaD Radio got together; the training camp with Dan’s dog was so tense & hilarious. Norm destroying the phone; Lee Corso being a dick (still remember where I was for both). Also recently (12/16/10 I think), WTDS did the whole segment in chipmunk voices. It was so great b/c you could tell who was talking based on cadence and verbal cues. You guys are genius.
Love The Ticket!
I had taped those chipmunks on my voice-mail. I would play it over a couple of times. It was greatness. Just checked my voice-mail and it is gone. Damn-it.
It’s probably up on theunticket.
Corby’s fake Blue Bell ice cream song several years ago was a classic. I nearly crashed on 635 listening to that beauty! I believe that song was erased as soon as it played though due to some very controversial lyrics!
I had totally forgotten about it until Grubes started playing the “chirping birds” part of that bit regularly. I asked him what that came from, and he reminded me.
Some of my favorite over the years are the Cleo Mortimer poems. The Cowboy fan/cab driver/minister who always had a poem after a Cowboy game or other thing. Especially the one where UNT beat Tech and he made a great poem about George’s excitement at the end!
Any Norman in Sacshe call ins were great! In fact, you MUST do that this next week for all the Super Bowl visitors in town! : )
Mix in a couple of real calls then unoad Norman!
How about when dale showed up at the golf event in a limo for himself…. And a separate one for his clubs!
I cant believe in all these posts that no one mentioned when the REAL Nolan told the story of the Snow Monkeys at TicketStock a few years ago. I have tears of laughter to this day just thinking about it. And hearing Junior in the background just LOSING IT, just adds to the legend.
top 5 moments (can’t narrow it to one)
1. Green Bay arrest – “Jerry Kramer was off-sides!”
2. Microphone Johnson – all of them
3. Greggo sings the hits – “I’m a Bitch” maybe my fav
4. Rocco meltdown on the air – what a douche
5. Some guy called in to the Hardline and was happy about the Mavs signing Mad Max. Only one supporting it. geez. – I think he even won something for idiot call of the week?
When Gordo said “I love you” to Craig completely out of nowhere. It completely stopped everything down with the man-love tension. Then saying “I love you” out of nowhere became the bit of the morning. My co-workers thought I was sick when I got to work after I’d been laughing so hard I cried.
I had to pull over with tears in my eyes when line 4 guy did the fake Greggo line “If you got big boobs let me hear from you” on the birthday call to Joan.
Lest we not forget Sideline Chaos
I miss the fake Ticket Traffic updates when there was a pile up at Loop 820 and Woodall Rodgers or rubber neckers causing a slow down at IH75 and 360 in Arlington, etc. The Ticket Copter rotors could be heard in the background but the soundtrack loop would end causing a skip in the rotor noice followed by a “We’re going down”-type comment. I may be mis-remembering but I think this bit had to be shelved after a real life traffic copter crash.
I also miss the Generic Youth Minister bringing some KFC to the lock-in and stuff.
Gordon, you promised me a 40 ounce
Oh yeah! The Ticket Falcon! Here:
http://www.theunticket.com/the-ticket-falcon/
Thank you Human, Internets. You are most kind to post this greatness for us Human, Beings listening pleasure. I shall carry this kindness with me throughout my day and pay it forward. VSBB
Forgot one: Bob taking a full swing and hitting Tom with a golf ball as Tom is in a trash can, then ensuing panic as everyone races to see if Tom is dead.
Every episode of the Rant was radio gold. Especially the birth of the Lobster claw/baby arm hypotheticals and blood cannon’s. The Rocko meltdown was so facinating I missed half of a flag football game I was supposed to play in because I couldn’t stop listening.
Remember Brian Marchmant’s maaamaa? Was that Ribby?
only been on board for about 10 years, but i think i will never leave the metroplex because i cannot live w/out the ticket. Fake Jerry, Fake Nolan Ryan, Ed Carter the Overcusser & Norm interjections during WTDS. Also I remember almost wrecking my 18 wheeler one morning. A Muse story about some guys in a van asking a minor league mascot for directions & then stealing his head. Jer played the cartoon acceleration drop & i was literally in sports tears. I would love to see a return of The Rant, Reader’s Theater & 1700 AM. I could listen up to Durant or Ardmore instead of just the state line. Thank you so much.
They’re still broadcasting on 1700. I was recently in the Hill Country not far from San Antonio, and I was able to pick it up sometimes. Unfortunately there’s a 1700 in Brownsville that overpowered it occasionally, and a 1310 in SA that also made the main freq. unlistenable at night.
Most memorable moments/bits in no particular order:
*Gordo gets arrested.
*Fake Tiger, Nolan and Norm (a few of my favorites).
*Tom Foolery, the chicken & pig speech, one of the best.
*9/11, horrible day but great coverage by the Ticket.
*Ribby
*Greggo “that wasn’t the question” still makes me laugh.
*David Robinson fight.
*Anytime Norm flies into a rage at a caller.
*Why Today Doesn’t Suck, love the porn star birthday bit.
*The Rant
*Lee Corso, Dan McDowell throw down. (Corso’s a douche).
I miss Norms lap and the character ” the concept of cancer”.
Norm and Andy Panda. Norm was yelling at Andy for eating a “kitty” and Andy replied that he didnt eat “kitty” because he was half black………..
Robot Greggo
Fake Juando (the one with Eliana Gonzalez)
Jesse the Whistle talking Usher
To pick a favorite is so hard. These old memories made me start thinking about some of the older stuff.
Microphone Johnson interview w/ Ken Hitchcock: “Ken? Which syllable of your last name you figure is more prevalent with the gay community?
Clarence and his crazy adventures with Vlade Divac and Alanis Morrisette.
Junior and his “constant-level lake” prank call was genius.
Rocco calling The Rant that Saturday morning and all the aftermath drama.
The Rant.
Sweet Greggo calling in sick – “I could be sick or I could not be sick – don’t tell Rhynes, Cat…please.”
Fake Al Gore was funny.
Most days when Bob Sturm is absent?
God, this is so obscure, but it was the funniest thing I have ever heard. For some reason the Old Gray Wolf was selected to do the promo for one of those “Promise Keepers” style Christian rallies. He read the copy like it was his own obituary. It was late Saturday night about 15 years ago. I have always wished I could hear it again.
The Fake Ed Wallace, whatever happened to Rene Isip and Tom Terrell anyway?
Ribby’s phone tree was hilarious.
Little girl Greggo.
fave moments:
1. Joan Leonard
2. first tension filled mix with musers when norm joined Ticket
3. 8:40 am.
I always laugh thinking about Craig talking about having the hots for Billy Gillman as he listened to him on the radio Then he was so repulsed after finding out he was 12 year old boy. I think he found out when he stopped somewhere on the way home from Cowboys training camp in Wichita Falls to look at or buy the CD.
Another one of my favorite bits was Danny doing the Fake Nikki traffic reports. “I’m Nicholi-lina-lu-lu”
Fake political ads are genius. Especially the Obama & McCain fake political ads.
The first Fake Nolan Ryan interview where snow monkeys were mentioned still makes me laugh my arse off.
The conversation about Bigfoot being drafted by the Mavs is an instant classic.
Thank you for 17 years of memories.
LINE 4 GUY…
More humor from this unknown than in all bazillion episodes of BAD Radio. Give this guy the afternoon shift. Heck, let him do it over the phone if he wants. Many of his masterful bon mots are drowned out by Strum’s speculating on some D3 spare draft order potential.
*The entire HL at training camp in Austin show where Greggo apologized to all his fans – seriously, it was 4 hours of kicking a hungover greggo in the nuts.
*It was KickballHead and Gordo fighting in the control room; which then led to a Jeopardy contest to see who was smarter. Gordon took it very, very seriously. Or not
*I’m not sure anything will ever top Mic Johnson and Ken Hitchcock
*The rant – so important to my formidable years.
*Gordo’s Valentine and Halloween cards: PLEASE bring these back.
*…”got a good JumpKnee…”
*Line4Guy has been my hero
*Grubes almost single handedly transforming the hours from 12-7.
*BaD radio becoming fantastic.
*I love you.
The interviews with Robbie Kneivel were greatness. Craig asked him to tell a joke hoping to get the comment about how he was born. Instead Robbie told this joke….he said he was in the car accident and rear ended another car. A midget gets out of the car and says “I am not happy.” Robbie replied “really, which one are you.”
Corby interviews with Shaq and Bill Parcells.
Playing the girls high school basketball team. Mike makes a 3 pointer, Corby sprains his ankle, the girls win.
Hints from Heloise on the Orphanage.
Snapper John MD instant classic I got gunk on my rape stick Little girl Greggo
…. give it to me Lance.
Fake Seattle Slew always made me “Nerrrrrrrrrrr…vous”
Fake Norm’s commentary on the death of Barbaro.. “This was a GOOD HORSE!”
Who cares if he don’t like gays…I don’t like’em neither!
and, Hints from Heloise =D
Ticketstock with Denise Malani
Summer Bash with National Anthem girl
Robbie Knievel and his great sense of humor
Girls high school basketball team at SMU. Corby gets hurt. Mike gets a 3 pointer.
So many great moments…
Rhyner’s story of meeting Elvis in the hotel stairwell: Oh my God!! It’s Elvis!!
Ticket mouse!!
Gordon’s Valentine’s Day cards
Fake Chan Gailey: “I caught a catfish bigger than my thigh.”
Jerry Jones telling the story of the lonely monkey in the Ozarks who killed himself after first taking out his family…rare monkey love
Bob in a third world country with no toilet paper and Montezuma’s revenge..
Dan’s confrontation with Newy.
The Rant
Drunk Corby
Greggo’s funded jump into the canal in Florida
I was listening to some old Rant audio tonight while working, and damn, Irving Cares… pants pee’ed.
Two words: Snow Monkeys
ps – whatever happened to the Pigskin Poet?
I started listening in HS in the late 90′s, then got away from the station, timewasting w/ rock radio. Then in ’04, I tuned in one day and caught the replay of a replay of the Capt. Doo-Doo bit and was hooked. I caught the showdown between Dan and Lee Curso live, Dan vs. Dale Hansen (“Well SHUT UP!!) and was by the channel when Greggo achieved immortality w/ Dallas’s #1 cop. Gordo in the Ticket Falcon made me laugh so hard, I cried…blood. Even my gf had to change panties. My best in-person moment was meeting the Great Gordo, the student of Eros and getting my pic w/ him @ Great Game ’09. I’ve even been in studio a few times as a guest host of the P-1 WAC. (cue sad violin:) My dad died of liver cancer in March and the Ticket was there to give me something to smile and laugh about, or just something else to think about. The only thing that sucked was not enough of the people around me listened as diligently as I, so I had to keep the bits to myself.
I’ve since moved to Los Angeles, seeking fame, fortune and Greggo nose tonic but being able to tune in to AM-1310 live in my car is one of the things that I absolutely miss the most about TX. I’ve still got the website, stream and theUnTicket.com to fill my earholes, but its not the same w/o the static-ky, unreliable signal filling my car.
STAY HARD, DALLAS!!!!
How could we forget about Alamo Art?
in case you are short on cash, but want to hang with the wild turkey crowd:
http://www.wallywine.com/p-12913-fighting-cock-bourbon-6year-750ml.aspx?affiliateid=10098
I was in studio during the Rocco – Rant meltdown…so much tension. It felt like it lasted an hour…
I miss Dr. Hoopenstien, Sgt. Buck Maverick, Johnny Wyatt, the evil German scientist “I have designed the most evil…” and Guy Sports…
I also miss Gordon doing bits for the Musers AND the Hardline…seemed like he was there for 14 hours a day…
I may have dreamed this but I remember Gordon pranking Max Miller by showing up at one of his remotes and giving him a reach around while pulling his long gray hippie hair…
now would be a good time to finally up your damn signal!
you still have the worst signal of any station with any ratings in this area.
That’s a great memory. Thx for sharing.
The high point of the past 17 years was the “I Will Wear My Ass-Pants” song, Gordo.
Any time Guy Sportts shows up and shows his vengence on Josh….
My all time favorites are the Johnny Oates Managerial Cyborg and the ghost of Wilt Chamberlain.
I miss when the Musers would call Tom Foolery. Hilarious!
One of the funniest times was when at a remote Mike Saxon (former Cowboy punter) kicked George Dejon square in the gnads and George walked off like nothing happened.
Every interview with Jeremiah Ontario had me in tears. Please bring him back! Someday, I will get a Cowboys jersey with “Ontario” on the back as a tribute.
The brief running gag you did with Jub in which you got Jerry Jr. to read a liner that went: “This is Jerry Jones Jr. on the Ticket, reminding you to do as the great Jub commands, when he says that it it’s always fun until your pants fill with blood. Then it’s twice as fun.”
Fake, tearfully solemn Norm reading a tribute poem he’d written to the recently dead Johnny Carson.
The Rant, and one particular Saturday where you did about a minute-and-a-half layout. It was like a game of chicken. It went on forever.
The Rant, when you had the certifiably insane guy on who sang “Gary Busey Boy.”
A very random, late-night Gordo acoustic rendition of “Bring on the Dancing Horses” from the Ticket compound was awesome.
I could probably list about 100 more.
EEEEEEEEEAATTTTTTTTTTTTIIINNGGG ONNNNNNNNNN THHHHHE AAAAAIR
Hi, this is Duggy Anderson, and the ticket reminds me why i believe in abortion.
Benjamina Moore
Tim Rundle
Junior talking about barbers…”I prefer a male.”
George’s famous “That was me” announcement.
Juando “How you say, how you say, how you say”…
Rhynes “You’re on the 2 minute drill when?”
Ribby correctly predicting a team to pass in the draft one year.