As heard on the Musers, our proposed name for the new cowboy video board: “The Screen Monster.” Nice nod to another sports architectural icon. Thanks to Gary in Lewisville.
Gordon Keith.com
Radio, TV, Print
Posted in August 2009 …
Finally, the last Hitler subtitle vid
Thanks to the P1 commenter who sent this
Thank you Monday
Die sporting clays, die!
Thanks to all the P1′s who came out to our charity clay shoot on Friday, including Daryl “Razor” Reaugh. We have raised over $210,000 for Big Brothers Big Sisters outdoor mentoring programs, which is wonderful. Thank you, humans.
Links unrelated:
Clay shoot Friday
Got the shootin' vest on
This morning (Friday), we are broadcasting live at Elm Fork Shooting park for my big charity clay shoot, benefitting Big Brothers and Big Sisters. Come out and see us shoot against the evil Razor for charity.
Two very important shows I forgot to plug earlier in the week. The Old 97′s are performing at Bass Hall tonight. Rhett, Ken, and Philip are great friends of the Ticket. Murry? Not sure. So I encourage P1′s to check them out. I think Rhett is an incredible songwriter and you’ll dig their music.
And a BIG night tonight for the Ticket’s own Danny Balis. He performs at the Granada at 8pm sharp. Support our boy Danny as he has his CD release party for his new country album TOO MUCH LIVING.
Fun links and some you should avoid
Horrible rendition of God Bless America She discovers at least four notes previously unknown to man.
The problem of identity. This kind of stuff fascinates me
Just good, clean, vintage Letterman fun
Another uncomfortably named gas station
What the hell is going on here?
OK. A million disclaimers on how dreadfully serious it is when someone is attacked, but check out the professional police sketch of the suspect. Click here.
Two girls, one cyst. DO NOT CLICK THIS and if you do DON’T WATCH THE WHOLE THING.
Charity Thursday
This morning on Channel 8, in the 9am hour, you can see my interview with Muser favorite Mike Judge, creator of Beavis and Butthead, King of the Hill, Office Space, and Idiocracy. He is a really nice guy, very shy, and has Ticket awareness. Golden.
Also, tonight, I begin doing a “commentary” on the Channel 8 news at 5pm. I am sure I will freeze up when the light goes on and my pants will fill with life-giving urine, but watch anyway. Today at 5pm, Channel 8.
Tomorrow is my big charity event of the year- The Big Clay Shoot. Please join the Ticket morning show as we broadcast live from Elm Fork Shooting Park. I’m happy to raise money and awareness for Big Brother Big Sisters Outdoor Mentoring Programs. Good people, doing great work. Come out and shoot the hell outta crap for charity.
dirty links:
A beautiful fan that blew me really hard
Lack of spellcheck causes poor naming
Is this female athlete really a man?: Look at this footage
Auto-Tune the News
We played some of this on the air because it cracks me up. Seems like it cracked up a few P1′s too. Many requests. Enjoy.
Bottled water Tuesday
Make sure your body is well-hydrated
A hell-causer in childhood is a hot name in adulthood
For some reason this regular girl is driving me crazy
Note: Yes, the picture on the right is gratuitous, laughable, and photoshopped. That’s the Holy Trinity of the Internet.
Kid movie Monday
I still want this car
For some reason I have been on a childhood movie kick lately. I have revisited the following:
Chitty Chity Bang Bang: Still love the songs. Dick Van Dyke is greatness. Hate the kid catcher.
The Cat from Outer Space: Horrible special effects. Still want one of those collars.
The Love Bug: Pure magical greatness.
The Apple Dumplin Gang: The little girl annoys me. Bill Bixby’s love interest looks like a man.
Pete’s Dragon: Makes me sad and nervous.
The Shaggy DA: Dean Jones dog conversion still haunts me. Meandering plot.
Escape from Witch Mountain: Purchased but haven’t rewatched yet.
The Incredible Mr. Limpet: I remember really liking this as a kid, but feeling bad for the guy. Need to watch this again.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: The Gene Wilder classic. Many troubling parts.
Note: I don’t know about you, but for some reason I was traumatized by just about everything I saw as a kid. There were obvious things like the Wicked Witch of the West, or the Oompa Loompas, but there was also less obvious stuff that really threw me. In fact, the world still traumatizes me. See Muse in the News. I am drawn to that which traumatizes me. F’ed up masochist fo sho.
I’ll add more when I think of them. Feel free to post your favorite kid movies in the comments. Keep it pre-1990.
Although I am worn out on the tongue-in-cheek bacon craze, this is useful.
Ticket Ratings for July
Thanks, P1′s. Against the big evil corporate empires of CBS and ESPN, the little Ticket is battling and (so far) winning. We’re the lovable little warty engine that could.
In Men 25-54
Musers #1 9.2
Norm #1 7.9
Bad Radio #2 4.7
Hardline #1 6.9
More detailed info, including the competitor numbers, is here.
Bonus link: So shocking to see this word in a column.
I want to see you next Friday
Please help support our cause. Click for more info.
Blown Out Background Thursday
There is a girl in the foreground that provides contrast to this impressive background
I can’t think of anything creepier
For MILTWV’s (moms i’d like to watch vomit)
The controversial Jerry Jones Zapruder film
Here is the video everyone is talking about. Is this evidence of Jerry Jones wearing a hairpiece? Or is it merely an assault by a big black phallic microphone on overly hair-sprayed hair? You decide, America. Comments are on.
As someone who wears a rug himself, I obviously I have no problem with anyone improving their appearance with cosmetics, surgery, or whatever. That said, I think that Jerry’s hair is real.
Pink watch band Tuesday
Muser Fight night suggestions
White guy who acts black vs Black guy who acts white
Pot user with dime bags strapped on his person vs German shepherd
One armed guy vs One legged guy
Two One armed guys VS One two armed guy
Effeminate gay vs Butch lesbian
Norm’s Lip Smacks vs. Dick Hicks duckfarts
Black midget vs. White midget
AIDS guy VS Hemophiliac
Billy Mayes look-alike vs Michael Jackson look-alike.
Satan worshiper vs Christian
Cocky high school teen vs a Strict, tough 60 year old man
Homeless man vs Rich man
Danny vs. John in Plano
Midget male vs. full sized, tough female
One legged man doing a handstand vs No armed man
Guy terribly sick with swine flu vs. a HORNY pig
Jehovah’s witness vs. Mormon – in the Battle of the Door
Pre Op Transexual VS Post Op Transexual
Lobotomy Victim vs. Mental Health Professional
Battle of Elvis impersonators
PETA activist vs. Texas Cattle Rancher
unemployed Hispanic VS. unemployed black with redneck referee
Adult A.D.D. VS. BI-POLAR
Anorexic hot VS. Fat hot
2 chick meth freaks fighting over a dime bag and a months free rent at the trailer park
Stephen Jones vs. Jerry Jr.
Star Trek fan vs. Star Wars fan
todd archer vs. mickey spagnola
George Dunham VS Jody Dean
Mensa Member vs. Learning Disability
Inner City Guy vs. Country Boy
former Maverick Rolando Blackman vs. Cowboys’ head coach, so we could finally determine the outcome of Ro v. Wade
Add your own in Comments.
The Ticket acknowledges disturbing photos
A small, one time relapse
Courtesy of dudeinthenextcube and whomever emailed it to me. Funny stuff.
Big Clay in Two weeks!!
Please join me for my big charity clay shoot, benefitting Big Brothers Big Sister Outdoor Mentoring programs
Click for more info
The Greatness of Hardhat Jub
Thanks to Twitter bob!
Handheld Camera Wednesday
Looks like it would be fun to use
George hates this doll’s freedom
Don’t forget to sign up to follow me on Twitter. There are many behind the scenes pictures and exclusive coverage of nonsense. twitter.com/gordonkeith
