Maybe my favorite one so far. After a horrible intro, we discuss Junior’s emotional breakdown. George and I get pelted with complaints from Announcer Aubry. And apologies are offered to the P1′s. It’s brilliantly exclusive to you- the internet-loving P1 who is reading this right now.
Gordon Keith.com
Radio, TV, Print
Linky Cream-Filled Post
Meat
It’s always funny when some leaves an angry voice mail.
If you grew up in the 70′s, your childhood is slowly dying.
Texas woman gives birth in car on way to hospital. Here is the disturbing video.
This is the P1′s idea of heaven.
It may be SG, because they are “Old As Eff,” but I still love these guys.
The Destruction of Our Old Studio
As a service to humans, I swung by our old home to take pictures of the sad destruction. I felt like a World War II photographer, except instead of a Leica or Hasselblad, my camera allowed me to sext between shots. Stay Hard, Former Ticket Studio that Now Looks Like Osama’s Compound. 1997-2012
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The Musers on Television
Yesterday morning, moments before George Dunham told this emotional story, we were surprised by our new neighbor in Victory Park. WFAA, home of Dale Hansen’s personnel file, sent the lovely Amy Vanderoef, host of WFAA’s Good Morning Texas, to our new studio in Victory Park with a basket of gifts. Through the magic of television, yesterday’s visit appeared on today’s “GMT” show. Watch George drool like Jack the Ripper at the sight of Amy. It’s alarming really.
We look forward to much interaction with Amy and the Good Morning Texas crew. Much interaction.
Muser Post Show Podcast Jan 26, 2012
Find out why Junior bailed on this morning’s podcast. Listen to Jeff “Catman” Catlin lie to the P1′s. Enjoy Announcer Aubry’s goat mouth full of tobacco. It’s all here. It’s all exclusive. It’s your behind the scenes look at your favorite Muser morning show.
My Interlude With Kate Beckinsale
I don’t know if you noticed or care, but the number one movie at the box office last weekend was Underworld: Awakening. For those of you unfamiliar with the Underworld franchise, think Steel Magnolias meets The Help. I had a small part in the film that was cut from the final product. I guess the director and I didn’t see eye to eye on my character’s “motivation.” He thought of me as an “extra,” but I thought my character should become sexually involved with Kate’s as a comment on Wall Street greed and the finitude of life. Anyway, I broke the cardinal acting rule of “don’t introduce any unscripted diseases” and the director fired me. You be the judge.
Here I am talking with my co-star and good friend, Kate Beckinsale.
Musers Post Show Podcast January 25, 2011
After an emotional show, the Musers huddle for few moments. I predict these podcasts will get more shocking if this one is any indication. George talks about speaking while emotional. I confess I suck at a funerals. And Craig Miller aborts our discussion with a shocking tease.
When Emotion Hits the Muser Show
I heart life.
I will get a longer version when it becomes available.
Linky Goodness
Everyone Love Links
Why would anyone want to shower with this creepiness?
Most Unnecessary Facebook Group of All Time
Funny Sign Alterations: An hour of fun.
25 mugshots of sadness: I swear one of them is Rick Springfield
Girl who looks like Jerry Jones kicked off The Bachelor
So many red flags: Pull quote- “smooth black male or Mexican”
What is that in the third paragraph?: Should not be in a news story to begin with
Giggle: Horse genital warning
Hug-E-Gram: Is this for real?: I am sad
I’m suing this guy: But for some reason I really like him…
Muser Post Show Podcast Jan 24, 2012
George claims tomorrow at 8:15am he is going to share something amazing and groundbreaking. Sounds like it may be a serious thing too. Very curious.
I’m sorry it sounds like we are conversing in an airplane hangar.
We were drunk.
Muse in the Hiccups
This morning about 30 seconds before the start of the Lord-approved award winning segment Muse in the News, I got a horrible case of violent hiccups. It made for a rough, painful broadcast. But I think I covered it well. You be the judge. Several P1′s claimed they were laughing so hard they cried.
Glad my pain is funny.
Asians Love The Yu Darvish Story
This dramatic interpretation of the Yu Darvish signing raises so many questions. Is that supposed to be Nolan Ryan or Walker Railey? Do they really think “bullpen” is literal in baseball? Does Albert Pujols really have laser eyes?
Oh, and the space shuttle? They’re doing it wrong.
UNRATED: Amanda Peet Interview
Amanda loves chairs
Of all the women I’ve interviewed in my long failed career, she remains one of my favorites. Speaking of hot women, I will soon post the interview my pants did with Kate Beckinsale, star of the ephemeral hit movie Underworld: Awakening.
Love,
gordon
It Has Took Me A Lot of Places I Didn’t Think I Would Be At
When this man performs in the afterlife, will God listen with a forced smile, or flexed abs from trying to hold it in?
PS. If you belong to Fellowship Church, please bug P1 Ed Young to bring in this wonderful praise singer.
So Long Maple Ave Studios
From Control Room, Looking Into Talk Studio
We are getting wired up and plan on attempting a wheels off 11-2pm broadcast with all hands on deck. Hope you tune in.
UPDATE: That 11am start time? Came and went. Stay tuned.
This photo reconfirms I need a new iPhone.
My perspective
Fake Nolan Welcomes Yu Darvish
Nolan Hasn't Forgotten What the Chinese did to Obama's Fake Birth State
The Cheech Marin Interview
We have no chemistry with this man
UPDATED AUDIO:
iPhone and iPad users click here
Note: This interview has been edited for content.
You Knew It Would Happen
The World Wins
Worst Female Singer of All Time
Alanis is Not the Worst Female Singer of All Time
On Tuesday, I read this email on the air:
Hey Gordo,
I know how you love wheels-off musical performances, so I thought you might appreciate this. Backstory… (All parties shall remain nameless to protect the innocent)
Back in November of ’07 my band was playing a gig at a local club. Before the show my singer approached the rest of the band and pointed out a girl in the crowd. He said that he had recently heard a recording of her singing a karaoke version of an Evanescence song, and that she sounded really good on it. He further explained that he was hoping to get in her pants, and asked if we’d be willing to let her sing a song with us.
Naturally, we were skeptical, but our singer insisted that she sounded good on the recording he had heard, and since the rest of us were married we decided to hook a brutha up, and let her sing with us in hopes that we could live vicariously through our singer.
So, it was decided that at some point during our second set we would invite her up to sing Alanis Morrissette’s “You OughtaKnow” as it was the only song we really knew that featured a female vocalist. Our singer told her to expect that song, so she came armed with a sheet of lyrics, and said that she had been practicing before the gig.
From the first moment she took the stage we knew we were in for something classic, and her performance did not disappoint. I mixed and recorded all of our gigs, so I was already rolling tape that night.
Sorry, for the long story, but I hope you enjoy it as much as me and my band mates have!
Anon.
The Audio of Death
iPhone and iPad users click here
After we played it on the air, George speculated that the horny lead singer probably told her it wasn’t that bad. Well, I got an email from the long-lost lead singer shortly thereafter.
Gordo,I am the singer from [band name redacted] – the “You Oughta Know” band, and I must confess… that chick was not *that* hot.And yes, you can tell Giorgio that I did, in fact, try to console her afterward and tell her she did okay. I was angling for at least a beej, but alas, it was not to be. She was far too upset, and I, likeyou, was rendered utterly flaccid by her performance. I thought I could at least fight my way through a good parking lot hummer, but that voice haunts me to this day!Still shuddering,P1 Kevinband name redacted
Junior Disgusts DFW
Steve Martin was not harmed in the making of Junior's chum potty
This morning, our award-larded “8:15 Discussion” centered on Junior Miller’s recent bout of food poisoning. It was enough to keep him off work for two days. Two glorious days in which I shined with the intensity of a dwarf star. The recounting of the tale and the subsequent discussion provided many giggles.
Listen to it here.
UPDATE: Watch JR vomit here!
As a disgusting, humanity-confiming bonus, read this disgusting story from a P1. It will prove that being a human is a sin.
Dearest Gordon,
Jr’s segment on food poisoning Wed morning brought to mind my 1st experience with that horrid sickness.
During my Sophomore year of college I took a trip to DBU to hang out with a friend and see if I wanted to transfer there. I met the university president, toured the campus and slapped back some hos. That evening, we ate in the cafeteria. As a native Texan, I naturally went for the chicken fried steak.
This was my favorite meal of all time. I absolutely loved it. I could have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day of the week and still want more. I ate a hearty helping before pushing away from the table feeling fat and happy.
That evening we joined a massive group of students for a game of capture the flag. As I joined the game, I began to experience that uncomfortable “full” feeling Jr described. It quickly progressed to a sweaty forehead and a realization that I was about to have a massive bout of diarrhea. In the midst of the game you might’ve seen me sprinting across the “battle field” to the library. I crashed through the front doors with a bang and to my great relief the place was empty aside from a little elderly black man quietly vacuuming before close.
I made it to the toilet just in time and let loose a tide of filth previously unseen by the human race. I sat in misery, groaning as my lower bowels purged itself of the Texas delicacy I so dearly loved. I should’ve realized what was coming next but as it was my 1st time having food poisoning I was totally unprepared. My stomach lurched and threw the digestive gears into reverse. I stood up as fast as I could and turned to throw up in the commode. Alas, my efforts were in vain. Not a single drop made it into the toilet. I showered the entire stall with the remainder of my undigested dinner. The sheer quantity of food was astounding, to say nothing of the overwhelming aroma of diarrhea and bile.
I was mortified. By now my body had given way to chills and a fever and my one thought was of laying down and praying that Jesus would return and judge the nations. I staggered out of the bathroom and exited the library to look for my friend. But as I left, I passed the quiet elderly black man who had just finished his vacuuming and was heading to clean the restrooms. As sick as I was I could not help but feel the awkward tension between us. The look on his face revealed that he knew something unpleasant awaited him.
I didn’t wait around to see his reaction when he came upon the hellish nightmare in that stall. I spent the rest of the weekend on my friend’s couch wrapped in blankets. That was some 14 years ago and I still do not enjoy chicken fried steak. The very thought of it turns my stomach.
Though I never saw that poor elderly man again, I often wonder how he handled that awful situation. Did he just lay down his mop on the spot and retire? Did he leave it for the day janitor? Or did he go to a local witchdoctor and put a curse on me? These questions and more will be answered when we all see Jesus. What a day of rejoicing that will be! That is all. Thank you.
Zach
